the boy who has found a way to look taller although in real life he is vertically challenged (SHORT!!!)

the SALSA of my college had organised “starry night” which is an annual dinner for students like me.for those not in the know,SALSA in this case,is not a type of latin dance,but is an abbreviation for School of A-Levels’ Students Association.really?hahaha.i have no idea on what SALSA means either although i got the first three letters of SALSA right.eheheeheh.

anyway,at first,not many were willing to go except a notable student and jueanne.hahaha.the rest did not want to go.why aren’t they interested?its once in a course (for january intake….april and june get to go twice!) affair.hahaha.for starters,it fell on a thursday night,which effectively killed any hopes for an afterparty (in my case…some actually went for an afterparty).second (again in my case),not glamorous enough.ahahaha.it is a semi-formal affair so i was not expecting the girls to dress up nicely.i was soon to be proven wrong.

how did we all go?well,it was due to the assistant head of the department,Ms Nalina.she somehow influenced us to go,with a story about us being ugly ducklings who turned into swans (dressed up nicely,looking pretty and handsome) and how the single guys  (we are all single except for 3 people…another guy and i were the only ones who never had a girlfriend before) could actually get potential girlfriends.ahahaha.in my opinion,we bought the ticketrs just to support a friend of mine,choonhou because he was one of two people who were given the responsibility to sell the tickets (i’m unsure about the other guy’s sales…i guess its poor).

i didn’t censor his face because i hate him or have something against him.i did it because his eyes were closed.

see,i was not lying.ehehehehehe

anyway,its a well known fact that i’m vertically challenged.in fact,i’m the second most shortest guy in my class.yup,the guys in my class are tall.however,if our build is converted into height,then i would be the third or fourth tallest.that’s because there are only 2 or 3 guys who are bigger than me (in terms of build).anyway,there are only two girls in my class who are taller than me (jueanne and guangshi) by a few cm.the rest are either as tall,or shorter than me.but glamorous functions are where guys like me are at a disadvantage.the footwear of choice for girls are high heels,wedges or shoes which elevate them a few cm taller.dahla i was botak,i cannot style my hair (if it can be styled…lots and lots of hairspray is needed) to make myself look taller.sigh.what are we,hobbits (short guys) going to do with public enemy no 1 a.k.a formal functions.fortunately,the genius (me!!!!) has found a way to look taller in photographs without wearing elevated shoes (they are expensive and endorsed by tom cruise).YOU CAN………

stand up whereas the taller girls sit down

sitting from left: husband no 1,wife/mom,husband no 3.

standing from left:adopted son from siam,daughter of wife and husband no 1

ahahahaha.see.now there’s no tall girl to compare me with.smart eh!!!

sit down while the girls stand

clockwise from top left:guangshi,maygin,samantha,tania,me and charissa

the taller girls,guangshi (natural+heels) and samantha (heels) are standing whereas i’m sitting.although it’s kinda rude,the photograph in no way shows that i’m shorter than the above mentioned girls.

take a step forward before the photographer takes the picture

from left:leemei,syecheen,jueanne,me,yeemun and yiwen

by taking a step forward,you’ll look tall in the photograph.in my case,it’s proven as i appear taller than jueanne (natural+heels).

take a shot with a girl who automatically bends her knees and tilts her head slightly  in every one-on-one photo

haha.no explanation here.

stand close to the camera so that the photograph shows you from the knees up,then extend yourself by tiptoe-ing (is there such a word???!!!)

i tiptoe-d because guangshi is taller than me despite her tilting her head slightly (why must girls wear heels???).note,apply this technique if  and only if the girl will look much taller than you in the photigraph.try to do it without her noticing (i almost succeeded if it wasn’t for someone to point out my ‘elevation’…babi that fella…ahahaha).luckily she laughed when she found out.if i didn’t use this technique then she’ll look like snow white while i’ll look like her chindian dwarf!!!

take a photo with a girl who is shorter than you

don’t worry my fellow hobbits,there will be shorter girls than you (turns out i’m not that short…ahahaha)

ceh.what is so funny?short people can be prom king ok!!!in fact,short people can do many things.in Lord of the Rings,it was Frodo and Sam,both of them hobbits,both of them SHORT,were the ones chosen to destroy the ring (well,it was Frodo only,Sam follow him just to kepoh...ahahaha…nola…without sam it is certain that frodo will fall to the ring);not aragorn,not gandalf,not legolas,not the taller people!!!!see!!!short people rule!!!!

anyway,i was not prom king,he is

yong choon hou.ahahaha.with him is paulynn.he was indeed the better looking and most charismatic of the four nominees but i suspect he won due to some “inside job” by a certain chemistry lecturer.bwahahahahaha.despite not being porn,woops,prom king,i did got a title by my classmates:bouncer!!!they say i look like club punya jaga because i look buff in my tight shirt.it’s not tight,it’s well fitting.oh ya,some girls say i have the nicest biggest butt.and again,it’s due to my well-fitting slacks.

ahahahhaahaha.rest assured they were not discussing about my butt at this time.

so,to all my fellow short brothers/hobbits (especially ian and kalai…ehehehehe),i’ve shown you the way to be taller (at least in photographs).use them wisely you must.

ahahaha.i am a genius.again to my fellow hobbits/brothers: MAY THE HEIGHT,*woops,i mean,FORCE BE WITH YOU!!!!!

the boy who is so hot that he could be a contributing factor to global warming

that was his reaction when he saw a figure walking in the hall……..

the people who witnessed it couldn’t believe their eyes.was it an optical illusion??

he thought that he has identified the being but he was so wrong when he classified the being.he should have added “hot” in front of “botakhead”.

hehe.i shaved my head.

i clearly remembered last year when yuanwen or jiayi claimed that we(botak crew) were stupid  because we went for a mass shave.“we are not stupid ok!!!we are the trendsetters!!!” replied chiaching. he was right.the BotakCrew inspired not one,but two groups of 8(one in the morning session and another in the afternoon session in my secondary school)  to shave their heads (copycats!!!).not only that,we also set young girls’ hearts on fire!!!bwahahahahaha.

i don’t know why but i feel very very manly/macho when i shave my head.its true.i feel like james bond (daniel craig version) everytime i stroke my well-trimmed hairdo.

hehehehe.

i remembered the time when i entered the chemistry lab.my classmates went “wow”/”oh my god”/speechless.“wah sachin!i cannot recognise you!” said samantha. “nice hair” charissa beckoned. haha.charissa’s comment made my day.my not-so-new female classmates took it quite well.however,they were a bit curious on why i shaved my hair.

tania: why you cut your hair like that?

sachin: erm..for fun…why?is it really that bad?

tania: nola…it’s nice…i like it!!

HAH!see,she likes it.it means that there are other girls who like it too.ahahahaha.it’s funny how i can shave my head for fun but others around the world are quickly losing it and need hair badly.hahaha.these naturally-bald men would do anything for hair.hahahaha.a few notable examples of these ppor fellows: rafa benitez (liverpool manager),datuk seri najib razak (our deputy prime minister),arjen robben and wesley sneijder (real madrid players),wayne rooney (manchester united…we know why he is losing his hair…that boy must go for anger management classes) and a certain good friend of a certain school teacher with the surname Phang (no prizes for guessing).anyway,not everyone agrees with tania’s opininion.

“sachin,you’re so brave!!whenever i have a bad haircut,i would stay indoors,” .what the hell is that supposed to mean,meiyun?ahahaha.yeemun and guangshi asked me whether i was dumped or devastated to the point where i lost my conscience.for the record,i never had a girlfriend and i shaved my head not because i was devastated,but for fun.well,not really.it all started when daryl egged the rest of the BC (Botak Crew) to go bald.fine,ian and i agreed.but when i shaved my head thinking that ian would follow suit,he bailed on me.hahaha.babi fella!!!never mind,what is done is done.my hair grows at a reasonably fast rate so i’m not too bothered.hey,i save shampoo,conditioner,hair gel and sometimes electricity (i blowdry my hair sometimes when its really long and thick).

haha.anyway,my lecturers reacted postively.mr chan (former chemistry lecturer) said i look smart (in appearance and intelect…no kidding) whereas my maths lecturer offered me a free haircut.it seems that she bought a shaver at home and shaves the heads of the males in her life (her husband and two kids).she claimed that the money which could be spent on their haircut (an average RM7 for a haircut) is saved and spent on her hairdo instead.wow,i would never marry a maths teacher.miss annie said i looked neat and gave me her signature thumbs up!!!

haha.everytime i see her showing her signature thumbs up,i wonder whether she was supposed to teach me chemistry or appear in housewife-friendly advertisements (promoting domestic goods such as cleaning agents etc)

haha.you know,my classmate thinks she could even be the Yakult girl (replacing melissa campbell if i’m not mistaken).let’s just hope that she concentrates on shoving chemical equations and calculations into my head.

comparisons

haha.people compare me to a lot of people when i’m bald.jueanne said i looked like owen yap (who’s that?) while others beg to differ.here are some of the notable comparisons that have been made.

tweener (Prison Break character)

man,since when do i look like tweener.i didn’t shave my head to look like the character best rememberes as the one who gets sodomised,ok!it’s more like i shaved my head to look like wentworth miler

hahaha.he and i have a lot in common.he has very thin eyebrows while i have…….oh,never mind.oh oh oh,he is gay while i’m……..sigh.guess the only thing we have in common is our hairstyles,huh?

Barack Obama (President Elect of USA)

aoife,you are so funny.how on earth do we appear alike?hehe.he’s a tall,lanky guy who’s going to lead a country while i’m just a short guy who,well,is short.to be honest,i thought hilary clinton would win.i don’t know why but it doesn’t really matter who’s the president of USA.they say that Obama’s win signifies that the world is changing and people are accepting the minority as the leaders of a nation.

i’m not interested in politics.to me,his win serves up as an excuse for our politicians to make ludicrous comments like a non-bumi can be our next PM and so and so. although we all want that to happen,it’s not really going to materialise soon,isn’t it?as long as there are idiots in the country who in turn elect idiots to the Parliament (think sexist and rude MPs…those “b***** b******”…ahahahah),our country would never have a non-bumi PM.come on,they berated an MP of their own just because he gave his insight on what his race has become.what about the existence of a certain opposition party that wants to ban all international female acts and give us a bald,singing monkey?!!they should concentrate more on eradicating mat rempit-s or educating those who are jahiliah. seriously la,they should present a proposal calling for fatwa on mat rempit-s.they are the real menace to society,not yoga or pengkid-s (girls who dress up like guys).

woah,sidetrack to the wrong place.hehehe

The Rock (former WWE superstar turned actor)

hahaha.people compare me to him the most.they say i really look like the People’s Champ.

hmmm.i don’t think i look like The Rock at all.hahaha.anyway,if what people have said is true,then it would be interesting if we were to switch places.i’m the wrestling megastar while he’s just a regular teenager.

if you can smelllll…..what The Botak is cooking!!!!hahaha.yeah.omg.the picture looks terrible.it’s like i went for a spray tan and got it wrong.ahahaha.if i’m a wrestling star in the WWE i would…..

date KellyKelly,my favourite WWE diva.she’s smoking hot!!!!hahahaha.i wonder how The Rock would do being a normal teenager…….

ahahahaha.my photo editting software sucks.its time i upgrade to photoshop or something.

by the way,The World’s Most ‘Wu-liao’ Mum™ has found out about my blog

haha.she got the adress from ang.sorry ang for calling you a traitor.i guess there’s nothing much you can do but to give the URL of my blog to her.ahaha.she told me to stay away from politics and stop writing bad stuff about the stupid,big,fat b**** melissa.see,i censored it out for the first time.

i don’t know why she has to call her son and pretend to be a girl wanting to be friends as soon as she got a new number.it’s like some kind of test old mums carry out on their sons to find out whether their sons would simply invite girls home or not.however,her voice is so distinct that i could tell that she was my mum.if that’s not wu-liao enough,she called me during class and get me out of college just to participate in a game with the mix fm roadrunners.

i was not kidding

it has been a long time since i’ve blogged.i think i’m a bit rusty.but you guys are glad i’m back,aren’t you??hehehe.

*to the tune of PCD’s song “Don’t Cha”    

DON”T CHA WISH YOUR BOTAK WAS HOT LIKE ME? (ohhhh)

DON’T CHA WISH YOUR BOTAK WAS A FREAK LIKE ME (pssssttt!!! ahhh!!!)

DON”T CHA (aaaaahhaaaahaaa)

DON”T CHA

hello world,i’m back!!!!

the boy who wants to take a break

i’m broken.

physically.

mentally.

brain.

fused.

i.

wanna.

take.

a.

sabbatical.

concentrate.

on.

things.

i.

should.

have.

instead.

of.

things.

that.

could.

not.

have.

possibly.

happen.

cookie.

jar.

is.

broken.

oreos.

are.

not.

tainted.

by.

melamine.

period.

yoda.

is.

lying.

i’d.

wish.

i.

could.

say.

the.

same.

joining.

the.

dark.

side.

i.

have.

waiting.

for.

it.

to.

end.

i.

shall.

fighting.

i.

am.

but.

am.

waiting.

for.

my.

battle.

to.

end.

entered.

vortex.

getting.

closer.

to.

the.

black.

hole.

it’s.

happening.

again.

only.

that.

it.

leaves.

a.

much.

greater.

damage.

look ma!i’m on TV!!!again!

haha.i just found out about something.

aaron ezekiel edwards was one of 12 people shortlisted in his college for nivea’s ultimate prom nite king!he’s the one that i told you about,jueanne.the indian guy in penang.there’s a slight resemblance to christiano ronaldo here.hmmmm

guess who??ahahaha.she’s a former student of ACS sitiawan as well.she told me to keep you guys guessing.

aiyo.how come they never came to my college.at least i could try to audition or something.haha.but then the producers will go, “sorry kid.the girls are going to wear heels.it means that they will look taller.we don’t want any tom cruise-katie holmes poses.”.and again i’ll be rejected because i’m short.

ahahaha.who needs to audition for the real thing when you have a blog?!!ahahaha.let me introduce to you the candidates for Mr Sitiawan!!!woot

 

jacob chew

haha.the youngest candidate in our list aged 17 and a few days.during his form 5 days,he was the object of desire of most upper 6 girls.he’s the school’s volleyball captain and a decent basketball player.                                                                                                             

girls should go for him because: he can keep an account for all your spendings and show you how much you splurge on shoes,make-up,handbags and your expenses since he’s studying accounts.

codename:McBoyish

 

ang chun keat

don’t be fooled by this girlish post,he is actually the manliest candidate in our list.with his big build and often angry facial expression,you might think he’s someone not to mess with.however,underneath the exterior lies a kind young man who deserves to be nominated

girls should choose him because: he won’t laugh at you if you’re scared of cats.that is because he is afraid of them too.ahahaha.girls can optimise his strength to carry their shopping bags.and yes,he makes a good domestic helper (he does the housework way better than most girls)

codename: McTakutkucing

 

thilagaraaj arronan a/l mundraje

the second youngest candidate is aiming to be a chemical engineer.so far,he has some ‘chemistry’ with most girls that he interacts with.a gentle guy who packs a big punch (literally).although he’s has a few ’spare tayar’-s,play a few rounds of badminton with him and you’ll see he has better court coverage than you.

girls should choose him because: he’s hairy.and all that hair is used to trap air for heat insulation.means you’ll feel warm when you cuddle up with him.haha.and he has a very good sense of humour.

codename: McFurry

 

ian goh hong siang

the most vertically challenged candidate in our list.i’m serious.haha.blessed in academics,this young man has lots of gadgets that he often gloats about.haha.he’s the school tennis captain and has the longest sideburns for a chinese friend of mine.

girls should choose him because: he’ll solve any problems with your computer or digital players.plus,he’ll help you with any problems if you ask him nicely.

codename: McTechnicalsupport

 

lee yi han

some girls totally dig guys in uniform.i just don’t know why. ‘captain pork’ is a nice guy.he is very disciplined and is a family man.he puts his family before anything else

girls should choose him because: although your cooking sucks, he’ll sapu all the dishes clean.yeah.you can feed him anything without any complaint.he also makes a good domestic helper.he’s also serving the country!!!!how macho is that???

codename: McPorkie

 

loh chia ching

he’s not a malay or an indian but he’s darker than me.hmmm.haha.he’s born a day before me and our name rhymes.a very fun guy to be with

girls should go for him because: he’s a ball of fun.you’ll definitely have a great time with him.if you can’t finish your food when you guys go out,he’ll finish it for you.he eats a lot despite his thin frame.

codename: McBlackie

 

daryl yeak dieu jim

he’s currently in australia now.haha.he’s a guy with a big frame.i feel like frodo when i’m with him.ish.haha.he likes photography and has a camera to express himself.check out the photos he took.they’re real good

girls should go for him because: if you like to camwhore,he’s the best guy to take your pictures.haha.a very nice bloke as well.he’s also the most mature candidate in the list

codename: McDarlie

 

gong wei jian

the most metrosexual guy in our list.haha.he has received many references to korean actors.he may not look like it in this pic because it was taken a few months back.a friend of mine said he has the best hairstyle among us.cheh,that’s because he has a mum as a hairstylist!

girls should go for him because: he’s the only candidate who has a six-pack.the rest of us think its a great achievement to have a flat tummy,having great abs is just godsend.oh ya.he has a cool car,cool clothes and a cool hairstyle.

codename: McKorean

 

justin peter joseph

he’s a mixed guy like me (chindian) and often mistaken as a malay.he was brought to the police station twice but was released.it all happened during the fasting month.the biggest and strongest of us all!!!

girls should go for him because: he cooks great food albeit having too much ginger.i quote from ang “its as if there’s a pregnant lady in the house”.he sucks at cleaning but he makes it up by serenading you with his great voice.yes,he can sing.a gentleman to say the least and he’s able to stay alive and scratch-free everytime he drives his toyota corolla with bald front tires.

codename: McLembu

 

sachin i-have-a-very-long-name-to-spell-out

haha.yeah.me myself.i didn’t want to write out my name because certain quarters will purposedly misspell my name.haha.a hyperactive guy with an infinite charm (fuyoh!!!!),he dazzles the ladies with his impeccable manners and groove (wtf?!!).the most gentleman candidate!too gentleman until he got harassed by a homosexual guy.

girls should go for ME because: i won’t laugh at your bad driving skills because i (twice) broke my mum’s side mirror (yep,the same one…TWICE!!!).you don’t have to cook for me or worry about me getting proper nutrition as i can survive on oreos and yogurt.i compensate my lack of height with confidence.i have the smoothest pair of hands among the candidates so you’ll feel good touching them.i do housework.i’m not a great cook but i can whip out some stuff (like durian+yogurt+oreo combo…tasty,NOT!!!).i’m the most polite one.i’m the most gentleman one.i’m the most charming one.and last but not least i’m the most perasan one.

codename: McShorty

so.how do we determine who’s mr sitiawan?well,you can just tell us who’s your pick.girls are strongly advised to tell us your pick.there won’t be any contest for the girls because there’s only one girl that could win and she’s from GREECE!!!haha

the boy who returned to college and realised that women should be called the ‘fairer sex’ instead of the ‘weaker sex’ all thanks to a random conversation he had with his college mates

after a week back in sitiawan,the fact about returning to college does not appeal to me.

haha.she’s right.college is better than matriculation.

i had a conversation with my friends that day.we were thinking about which of our classmates would make a good couple.“wei,i have one…curlycurly and doraemon…one garang and the other playful…good combo!!!” “yeah..i think miss elegant and treadmill man also can” “haha…the gentleman and brownie!!!hahahah…hmmm…sportysporty and chlorox boy” “cannot…tak mungkin…bu ke neng!!!” “please la…if not with him then with you is it???go on and dream about your greek goddess la”.“cheh…fine…what about me???” “you a???wait??let me think….ah…you and minnie mouse!!!!” “ahahaha…why?i mean she’s cute…but she’s too quiet for me…why did you choose her?”

later i found out that they chose her because of her size.she is quite small.wait,scratch that.they chose her because of MY SIZE!!! i’m too short. “girls want to feel safe when they’re with their partner…they must be bigger size!!!” said ju-on. am i that small??? “nola…you’re short only” claimed shehulk. but still,their claim that my girlfriend must be smaller than me to feel safe is quite disparaging.it means that i can only date girls who are smaller than yvonne so that they can feel safe.sigh.haha

however,i’m not really small.it turns out that most of the boys are just tall.if all of us are of the same height,there are only 4 people bigger than me.but i have do the biggest (and smoothest)  pair of hands and feet.muahahaha.

anyway,back to my conversation  with ju-on,shehulk with others.brownie and flower girl thinks that men who do housework are good companions. “ no no no!!!cannot!!!men should not step into the kitchen!!!!they can never do the housework!!!!” lawyer shouted out.

“huh?why?my mum made me do the chores since i was young.my sis never helped out much” “yes,men should help out.you’ll make a good husband,sachin” “cannot la…guys cannot do housework when they are married” “and why is that?i think that we (guys) have to help out in our share…besides,we might be better cleaners than our partners” “woi…we are trained by our mums ok!!!you are a bad person la,lawyer!!why can’t men help out?”

“because we men work and find money for the family.we should not be bothered by housework!!!”

what if the men is unable to work and the wife is the sole breadwinner?

“hmmm…then its fine la…we men do housework and our wives go work”

what if both of you are working?

“wahlau…you stupid or what???of course la the girl must do!!!!”

ahahaha.lawyer is a chauvinist!but he did blurted out some fine comments to defend his stand on men doing chores.yes.female readers out there would be disgusted.why do we have to do everything?we cook,clean,take care of the kids and satisfy him in bed and yet all he does is sit in front of the tv!relax,not all men are like that.some men do help out in the house.they just need a little,erm,persuasion.if you want me to do chores,it’s very easy.a tub of yogurt,complimentary oreos and a massage (either a normal one or the one that can lead to….*ehem* bedroom circus).McFlurry oreos mudpie and strawberries are very good.try it.rm5.50 without tax!

“sachin,why are you like that???if a girl scratch your car,you wouldn’t be angry to her.if a girl wanna masuk ktm,you give way.why???” “erm,because guys should be gentlemen?” “cheh,what happened when you become gentleman?kena harassed by gay”

shit.he’s right.maybe i should sit down and let lawyer attack the girls.haha.

one thing i don’t get is why everything that goes wrong is our fault.if we’re at wrong then its ok but what if the girl’s in the wrong?its still our fault!!! how come they spend our money but we can’t touch theirs?? they strongly believe in “your money,my money;my money is MINE!!” motto.so it’s ok for them to drain our pockets but we can’t go sniffing around their purses.hmph.why do we have to make the first move padahal they are the ones giving lots and lots of signals saying that they want us?why do we have to wine and dine them when a simple dinner at home will do?why can they spend lots of money on shoes but we can’t spend ours on yogurt and oreos.why can they look at other guys and say they’re hot but we can’t even look at other girls!WHY WHY WHY???!!!!

“sebab mereka tu insan yang lemah”.ya right,mr nava.take your idealogy and……………(fill in the blank yourself).we men got to think about getting the right job to get good money to support our family.we’ve got to think about the house that our family has got to live in.we’ve got to think about protecting our families.girls just wait for the right guy and marry him.see,men are at a great disadvantage!!!

anyway,i still think women whould be empowered.no longer are they domestic maids,eye candy or sexual-fulfilment-devices.they are human beings and deserve equal treatment. God created everyone equal.although he blessed men with strength,it doesn’t mean that we should use it to push women around.”behind every successful man,is a woman”. bet you’ve never heard “behind evey successful woman is a man” right?ahahaha.

women should not be called the “weaker sex” anymore.it should be the “fairer sex”.

the boy who had nothing to do but catch movies at what was a place where all indian people in a small town can relate to and enjoy their time there

i had the oppurtinity to watch 4 movies in 3 days at arasu.wtf???siao siam kia!!!!got lots of money is it???haha.i don’t have lots of money.its just that people pay for the tickets.who does not love free stuff?

WALL E

i forgot what does wall e stand for.anyway,it was the best movie out of the four.haha.the clean,white robot is EVA.haha.when WALL E first called EVA (ee-va) i thought he was calling out aoife (ee-fa).haha.it reminds me of myself though.WALL E was afraid of EVA when they first met like how i was afraid of chian”snow white”woon.WALL E ended up as EVA’s boyfriend towards the end of the movie.i wish i can say the same about snow white and i.haha.she has her fashionable,korean look-alike prince charming who has a very cool plastic card it seems (BUS card).haha.

anyway,this movie actually had a strong plot and moral lessons.it gave an insight of what could happen if we didn’t take care of our planet.for starters (if the future looks like the movie),earth would be covered in so much trash that the toxicity levels are too high for any living things to live in.the humans on the other hand,will be onboard a luxury spaceliner vessel where we’ll just sit on hovering,computerised ogawa massage chairs and spoilt rotten till the point where we can’t walk because we’re too lazy.oh ya.due to the effects of microgravity (is there such a thing?),we’ll lose a considerable amount of bone mass (in short,we become obese).it just sickens me to see what people we could be if we do not take care of the planet.everyone’s too lazy to get up from their chairs to do things.

yvinne,it was a good movie.don’t judge a movie by its poster.haha.

 

YOU DON’T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN

the first opening minutes were kinda impressive.a super israelian spy infiltrates a building full of enemies while wearing a mariah carey shirt.just the sight of it makes you laugh.other than that,it’s something like the superstupidhero movie.in the movie,he made all of the women who went for a haircut experience orgasm.either he bangs them after their haircut or do erotic stuff.seriously,a shoulder massage by his penis??haha.the big bump in his pants is not because of the size of his penis,it’s because of the size of his bush. “it feels like a cushion”.

weird quotes from the movie: “oh mrs.******. you look bang-able!”; “i didn’t intend to make you fall head over tits for me”.in order to fully understand or enjoy the movie,you really must have a good knowledge about the american slang.serious.the funniest scene for me is when the immigrants were “discussing” politics.haha.

why is it better than the superhero movie?well,it had a sensible plot.it showed that if people put their differences aside,we can all live happily with each other.but still,it’s one of adam sandler’s worse movies.

 

THE MUMMY:TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR

this is the worst out of the four.some people may disagree but i don’t see myself ever giving a thought of watching it for the second time even if winnie agrees to shave her head bald after we watched it.i would watch it again if and only if my greek goddess asked me.oh ya.scarlett johansson can ask me out to watch it too.

i have to admit the story went on smoothly.too smooth until my brain does not have to work.mummy awakened,mummy evil,mummy has powers,mummy wants to rule the world,mummy gets killed by the O’ Connors.see.freaking simple storyline.and the leading lady is not as hot as rachel wiesz.

 

STAR WARS: CLONE WARS

haha.i’m a star wars fan and so is ian.we decided to watch it together.however,we feel very homo since it’s only the two of us.so,we got samuel to join us and he got jeeyan to watch it with us.haha.girls should not watch this movie.seriously.jeeyan went blank after 10minutes,thinking to herself, “why on earth did i come and join samuel?”.haha.there were only 15 people in the cinema.15!!!! out of that 15 ppl,only 2 enjoyed it thoroughly (ian and i).

however, episode 2.5 is nothing like the other star wars movies.the fighting scenes were mundane (the best fighting scene in the star wars saga is definitely between yoda and count dooku),the graphics sub-par,the plot was simple and they had different actors to voice obi-wan kenobi and anakin skywalker.but still,its way better than the mummy.

one thing that baffles me,how come anakin has a padawan (apprentice)?she never appeared in episode 3.don’t  tell me episode 2.5.2 is coming out soon to clarify whether ahsoka would be dead by episode 3 or not.and anakin was way subdued.what happened to his recklessness??the temptations to join the dark side???bad star wars movie.

 

overall,i spent more money on popcorn than one week’s worth of toll in KL.i’m waiting for tropic thunder,quantum of the solace and money no enough 2 to be released on DVD’s (pirated of course) unless my greek goddess asked me to watch it with her (in the cinema of course)

hermes:the messenger for the greek gods

My song is love

Love to the lovely song

And it goes on

You don’t have to be alone

Your heavy heart

Is made of stone

And it’s so hard to see you clearly

You don’t have to be on your own

You don’t have to be on your own

And I’m not gonna take it back

And I’m not gonna say I don’t know now

You’re a target that I’m aiming at

Take my message home

My song is love

My song is love, unknown

But I’m on fire for you, clearly

You don’t have to be on your own

You don’t have to be on your own

And I’m not gonna take it back

Oh I’m not gonna say I don’t know now

You’re a target that I’m aiming at

And I’m nothing on my own

Got to get that message home

And I’m not gonna stand and wait

Not gonna be there until it’s much too late

On a platform I’m gonna stand and say

That I’m nothing on my own

And I love you, please come home

And my song is love, is love unknown

And I’ve got to get that message home

 

 

 

 

the boy that should not be left alone with homemade yogurt,oreos and durian especially when he’s stressed out after studying chemistry during most of his holidays

nope juanne,i haven’t started biology.it’s chemistry instead.despite the early start,i’m not sure whether i can do well for the next test let alone during the exams.my dad has told my mum to ensure that i study most of the day.thanks to her spy (my sis!!!),she knows whether i’ve been really studying or staring at the same page of my notes.

once in a while (haha…this happens more than once in a day), i’ll take a break from the self-induced mental torture.during this 10 minute break (more like 10 minutes times 10 for a break session),i’ll seek comfort in food,blogs and my PS (sadly,i’ve completed batman begins…i don’t have any new games to complete…don’t tell me to complete prince of persia,ang…you know damn well i need a non-faulty controller to stay alive and complete the puzzles).i got a curfew at night (11.30pm) so i can’t really go out.ish!!!

“try not to finish it by dinner”

oh my god!!!my mum made yogurt!!!haha.technically its 80% fruits and 20% (not creamy) yogurt but i don’t care.it would be gone by dinner no matter what my mum said.

of course,with yogurt (in my case) there’s always the complimentary pack of oreos.

haha.if i were to be stranded on a deserted island ala robinson crusoe, i can survive with just oreos.oh ya,i want my greek goddess for company instead of man-Friday.i can make little sachin-s with my greek goddess.with man-friday,i can…err….teach him english???i’d rather have either a female companion or no companion at all than a male companion.i don’t want my anus to be penetrated at all.

my mum has chilled/iced/cold/frozen durian in the fridge.she calls it durian ice cream when it’s more like popsicles.i love durians anyway so i just defrost them and gobble them up.haha.i’m so greedy.

there were five containers.i was the culprit.i did it.it was me!!

anyway,during my lunch break on that very particular day,i’ve decided to experiment with food.i had the stuff i needed anyway.haha.

oreos with yogurt.that’s normal for me.

haha.this time there were lots of fruits.

what happens when durian suddenly appear out of nowhere and added into the equation???you’ll get…..

THIS!!!!!ahahaha.ian by now should have gone “what the f***???? siao siam kia”.let me tell you this:it’s not bad.haha.yeah.it tasted good actually.but this is just the beginning.

it’s inevitable.oreos+yogurt+durian!!!!haha.all i can say is…………

NOW I KNOW WHY THERE’S NO DURIAN-FLAVOURED YOGURT ON THE MARKET!!!!!

haha.failed experiment.tak sedap.bu hao chi.bo ho jiak.haha.this will go down into my list of failed food combos list which currently only includes kopi ais laici (wtf!!!!).ahahaha.

do not ever leave me alone with oreos and your refrigerator.things might get pretty ugly (wow…i used an oxymoron).

the boy who asked a girl, “do you like coffee or milk???or do you like the stuff in between???”

i just had a conversation with a girl a few hours ago.she’s really very nice to talk to and i feel like throwing away my chemistry book (which made my holidays insignificant as i have to run through them daily for a few hours) away and just throw them away and chat the next hours away.from the few minutes we chatted,i’ve scratched disneyland from my list of potential honeymoon venues.haha.sometimes i do pity the girl that want to be with me (if there’s any).if you’re reading this,thank God she talked me out of disneyland.

anyway,we chatted about batman and catwoman (i brought that up) and some other stuff until she popped a question that NO ONE has ever thought about asking: so,how does it feel like being mixed???

wow.a good question.a question that i have the answer but since no one asked i never spilled.so,what does it really feel to be of mixed parentage???am i more ‘coffee’ or more ‘milk’??? (by the way,i hate milk).do i prefer being ‘milk’ or ‘coffee’???it really made a lasting impression and i find myself unable to sleep just thinking it through.so here i stand (more like sit) and blog about what i feel about being of mixed parentage.

the truth is,being mixed is really hard especially when one part of you is ‘coffee’ and another is ‘milk’.do you feel as if there are two types of blood flowing through your veins??? nope.i don’t feel that.haha.the blood’s the same,sweetie.anyway,as a kid,you tend to grow with expectations of continuing the family tradition.it’s something like the chinese (especially the ones on TV) where they want sons to carry on their family name/surname during the old times (i’m not sure whether it still happens or not in this modern area).well, when your dad has a big family and he didn’t really continue the family tradition,the relatives come and ask you questions that a kid should not have even considered giving it a thought. “khanecksha,bila besar nak kahwin cina ke india???”.a standard reply from a boy who does not know the difference between the races,”saya tak suka perempuan”.hehe.don’t be afraid girls,i like girls very much now.i’m not sure why after a certain period of time,they have never bothered me with this question.perhaps a intervention from my mum,the notorious Madam Jo???hehe.highly likely.you should not pollute a child’s mind with ideas on races.

in kindergarten,i never had problems making friends of another race.scratch that,we never had problems making friends of different races.my first friend was an indian guy named jeremy.i’m not sure where he is right now.my first girl friend was joanne ho.haha.i would like to talk to her someday since we never talked since like primary school??anyway,small children with unbiased minds in tadika linden are set to be the country’s leaders (hehehe…possible) until………

anyway,primary school was no different.i was running around (what do you expect a smaller version of me would do???) before i enter class with malay,indian and chinese kids.it was then i met chiaching,yuanwen,thomas,glenn foo’s tupperware (i wonder whether he uses tupperware in matriculation or not???i forgot to ask him the other day),yipork (he was big back in those days as well…glad you lost weight) and many others.i finally faced a difficult problem regarding my mixed parentage during a UPSR camp held in batu 10.since the malay students gathered every night for their own thing,the non-s had moral class.sadly,it was separated:the chinese go to the chinese class and the indians to another.oh my god.where should i go???technically,i was supposed to go to the indian class but i don’t understand tamil.i’m not going to waste my time sitting still in a corner while everybody else chat away happily.i don’t like being left out (during those days…hehe) so i went to the chinese class where chiaching and glenn was.who cares if i can’t understand chinese.i have TRANSLATORS.hahaha.chiaching even made fun of a chinese girl.if i’m not mistaken, her name was Cho Li Yuen or something.all i know was chiaching started shouting “COLI,COLI,COLI!!!!ahahahahahahaha”. we laughed (our gang) as well.i remembered chooiping was there.yipork was all over her during the camp.haha

remember the part where linden-ers were supposed to be the country’s leaders???we should have been until we entered secondary school.this is when our minds are biased.the chinese hang out with the chinese,the indians with the indians and the malays with the malays.fortunately for me,i can hang out with all races.sadly,the indians think i’m too indian;and the malays think i look like them but i’m totally not one of them.that is when i first experience one of the ugly sides a human being can potray.

despite my indian name,you would notice that i don’t have many indian friends.those who know me can practically name all of them.as i mentioned above,they think i’m too chinese for them or i don’t have enough indian qualities to be a part of their community.it’s really disheartening.i’ve made a few efforts to blend in but my efforts were to no avail.despite their friendly nature,i can feel like they’re judging me. “the only thing indian about him is his name.nothing else”. trying hard to be accepted by them was a complete waste of time.so,i stopped interacting with them and became ’snobbish’ (in their opinion)

then,the constant questions that i dread.why can’t i speak tamil???why do i pay more attention in improving my chinese but never bothered to speak in tamil??why am i losing my indian heritage bit by bit???my extended relatives (eg.my dad’s cousins and their cousins) never failed to ask me or my dad about it ever since i got to KL.it’s so unfair.things didn’t really work out for me in those areas.my dad doesn’t speak to me in tamil.in fact,he only speaks in english and malay in public and even to his family.i didn’t go for tamil classes or had any friends who speak to me in tamil when i was young.i speak english the very minute i learned how to speak.gosh,i feel like telling this people off but then i have to be polite for my dad’s sake.he’ll lose face if his only son was rude to the elders over a question that was asked in a very polite manner.it hurts everytime they ask.

fortunately,i am blessed with people that don’t really care about it.yvonne,chiaching,glenn,daryl,just to name a few.even ian and weijian (despite the ’siam kia’ calls) don’t really care about my mixed heritage.in fact,they enjoy touching on it.my indian friends are exceptional.they have never consider me as any less of an indian.to them,i just can’t speak tamil (which is true).i thank you arronan,ramanan and others.i do have malay friends.although they lack in numbers,they don’t lack in being good friends.my parents and my family helped out.they sometimes answer the dreaded questions for me.

being mixed is not all that bad.i get the best of both worlds.deepavali and chinese new year.who gets to do that every year?the food?ahahahah.one of the reasons why i was 40kg heavy when i was only in standard 4.i get to experience both cultures which again,many people didn’t get the chance to.i’ve met people like me (justin lembu,robinson,timothy james) who face the same problems but choose to enjoy the priveleges that we have.i’ve also met mixed people but of different races.most notable person is aoife noelle ngo ping hui (irish+chinese=chirish),of course.i enjoy looking at unsuspecting people’s faces when they find out i can speak chinese especially during basketball.first timers usually speak to me in malay (english when in college) during the game and when the ball is out and i said “wo men de qiu (our ball)”,they go “you know chinese???”.ahahahaha.

do i prefer being an indian???do i prefer to be chinese??

the answer is i prefer to be stuck in the middle,being myself.i don’t care whether they accept me into their community or not.i’ve realised that its a privelege for anyone (especially those who judge or question my identity) to know me.it may sound snobbish but it takes a snobbish person to know one.accept people for who they are.we are here for a reason and it’s definitely not being ostricised by you so called “pure beings”.

i remembered that you hated milk (yay) and i’ve never seen you drink coffee so i would rephrase my question that you didn’t give me an answer for,

“HOW WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR CHOCOLATE??? DARK OR WHITE??? OR SOMETHING IN BETWEEN???”

I

AM

JUST

ME!

ahahahahaha

the boy who’s currently very excited about a sequel that will be released in another 3 years

i found this on the internet

i went “holy shit!!!!!holy shit!!!HOLY SHITTTT!!!!!”. the riddler as the next sequel’s villain???? oh my god!ohmy god!OH MY GOD!!!!!!. then i found out it’s fake. this fan art poster was so good that i didn’t mind being duped that this is the next poster.ahahaha.

the riddler would make a nice villain. unlike joel schumacher’s batman movie, batman forever in which jim carrey played the riddler (it was not bad), christopher nolan’s riddler would be a sick,twisted dude (i hope so).i don’t really know much about the riddler so i won’t comment any further.

however,it turns out that catwoman would be in the next movie!!!!!! guess who’s playing her……

ehehehe.she’s not really my greek goddess. angelina jolioe is getting advice from a porn actress on how to play catwoman.hmmmm.this should be very interesting. i would like to see whether she could top michelle pfeiffer (she’s really hot back in her day) as how heath ledger trumped jack nicholson. personally,i would like scarlett johansson to play catwoman (i’d like her to play the leading lady in all movies) but she’s not sultry enough.too bad.blake lively would make a nice addition but she looks too young.hey,she could be batgirl!!!!haha.cannot la. jim gordon’s daughter in the movie is quite young.haha.hayden pannetierre as batgirl???maybe.but still,if angelina jolie can’t (more like don’t want to) be catwoman,then the next suitable actress would be ali larter (webcam porn actress by day and psycho mum with killer legs by anytime she wants in heroes).

the next movie better be worth the 3-year-wait.who am i kidding???of course it would be worth it.in fact,it would be damn great!!!!haha. Transformers  2: The Revenge of the Fallen next summer. AUTOBOTS: TRANSFORM!!!! AND ROLL OUT!!!! bjhhhh…trrrr…kachi kachi…dhushhhh…wornggggg…dshhhh (transforming sound effect…some things just cannot be described by words,unfortunately)