it was night. i took my girl, ******* on a date. she said that she wants to go to Ayer Tawar for dinner. very well. i drove her there in a black car and we had a good time. then, on our way home, i stopped near an oil palm estate (how stupid of me!!) and made out. as our tongues entagle with each other, someone knocked on my window. “ma lai kia (malay boy in hokkien), bastard!! you come out!!!” it was her friends. they were jealous i think. as soon as i came out, i was hit with an umbrella and i was knocked out.
when i woke up, my body was tied up. i felt pain in my @$$. it was as if something was in my anus. it was long and hard. “before you die, do you have any last words?” . then he lit a match near my @$$ and ran away. “yes, i do. i’m not a malay boy. i’m mixed. my dad is aaa……..”
i was blown off to bits. as my soul ascended to heaven, i saw my girl crying and shouting in mandarin before she was taken away. goodbye, my love. i later realised that the thing up in my @$$ was a dynamite stick. no wonder he lit something and ran away. as soon as i reached the “top floor”, i saw a familiar figure waiting at the gates. “you cannot enter the gates to heaven for i, Kratos, forbid you”. “what do you have to do with me getting to heaven?? i thought you are on a mission to kill Zeus??” “insolent fool, i sent him to the darkest pit ever imagined. whole of olympus is in my hands. i control every single god and i shall decide who goes to heaven and who doesn’t. want in?? defeat me in battle” holy crap. i took a sword and charged at him, but i was killed before i could reach him. when i was taken by the undead hands of Hades, suddenly i heard a voice.
“you must not concede defeat, warrior. you are the great Sachin. dying like this and head straight to hell is not how someone as great as you should accept”. “yes, my child. even if you die, you have a right to go to heaven.” . “who are you???”. “i am Gaia, ever present mother of Earth, and this is my grandson and former ruler of Olympus, Zeus”. “Gaia??? Zeus??Kratos??? i thought you guys exist in video games??? i shouldn’t have played God of War. “. “unfortunately, we do exist. you have read it before on wikipedia. greek mythology do exist. my son has thrown me and my grandmother to the darkest pit ever imagined, the Dark Realm. only you Sachin, with the large amount of “spirit energy” can stop Kratos. but you need the help of the Siblings of Fate. find them and return to the time before Kratos killed you and kill him.”.
when i woke up, i was in a strange land. i stood up and look at a signboard nearby. “ACS Realm” was the name of this strange land. i walked ahead until i reached a gate with a banner, “together we make ACS special, together we make ACS great” . what place is this?? i soon went to the temple on the first floor of a three-storey building. when i reached a room called “bilik disiplin” , i went in. then i saw….
“greetings, i am Krishnsmy. you can call me K. i am one of the Siblings of Fate. before you proceed, you have to answer a riddle. if you fail, you have to stay here and clean my room for eternity.” . i was flabbergasted. the figure with a large belly was not kidding. i saw a hairy figure nearby cleaning his room. “very well. bring it on”. “you are very brave. no wonder you are a Deputy (one of three leaders of a race of warriors called Prefects). here is my question: what is short, has a purple stash of hair on its head and a voice where very few people want to hear every single day??”. holy crap. how am i going to answer that? i don’t want to be like that hairy monster who has cookie crumbs all over his body and clean the filthy room. but then, i realised. i know the answer. “its a Swee-eng (a heavenly type of beast).” “well done. you are a good warrior. as a reward, you can have the Anglo-Chinese Rattan”. he gave me a long stick with black tape on its ends. i have a weapon now. i can beat Kratos. then i proceed to a cubicle nearby: PENOLONG KANAN H-E-M.
“haiya. why are you so late?? you think i got no other work to do?? i have to make announcements you know.”. “oh no!! you are a Swee-eng!!!” . “yes, and i’m the greatest one of all. i’m Khoo Swee-eng (the prefix Khoo- denotes great power) “. i don’t have enough power to defeat a Swee-eng let alone a Khoo. what shall i do if she wants to engage in a battle? “don’t worry. i won’t kill you. even if you are a Deputy, you don’t have enough power to kill me. i’m actually a good person. answer my riddle and you will meet H-O-T, the one that controls time. fail to do so and you will end up like my servant over there.” she points to a bony figure standing beside a PA system, holding a micrphone and uttering weakly, ” Perhatian, perhatian kepada semua pelajar. lembaga ko-kurikulum. lembaga ko-kurikulum, satu perjumpaan …….”. no way, i have to answer the riddle or else i have to stand beside a ‘kiam hu’ for eternity. i’d rather go to hell. “what is the colour of my hair???”. “what?? that is the question?? it’s….” . oh no, she has disappeared. no. crap, i should have paid attention. i do not KNOW the colour of her hair. what should i do??? then i saw a mug and a tupperware. both of them are of the same colour. could that be her favourite colour??? then,i saw a bottle of hair dye on a cupboard that matches her tupperware. “red!!!!! it’s red!!!!!” . then she re-appeared and gave me a hug. “wow, you are great. you can see the colour of my hair. i’m too short for people to see me. they don’t notice the colour of my hair. as a reward, i shall give you a Fancy Spectacles.” “a fancy spectacles. wow. they do not allow it back where i came from.” . “take it. it’s useful. it gives its wearer vision of one’s weakness and shoots projectiles. it’s a combination of Raditz (dragon ball character) and Cyclops (x-men) eyewear. moreover, it’s fancy. it looks good on you.”
thank you Khoo. i make my way into the office of H-O-T, the one that controls time. when i entered, there was rap music playing : “this is why i’m HOT.this is why, this is why, this is why i’m HOT. this is why i’m HOT and you’re not. this is why i’m HOT. this is why, this is why, this is why i’m HOT. this is why i’m HOT, my name is H* O** T**n and the initials spell H-O-T!!! this is why i’m HOT………..”. the music was hot. i think i heard it before. it’s by some rapper named Mims if i’m not mistaken but the lyrics are changed. then i approached a bespectactled man sitting on his desk. there is a mock cheque pated on his wall. “H-O-T, sir. i’m Sachin. i want to go back in time when Kratos killed me.” . “ok, what land are you from???” . “i’m form 5SC1” . “ok. *he stamps something on a sheet of paper and signed it and recorded it in a hardcover book* .when you reached there, please ask someone to sign and give it back to me. it’s a MC which stands for My Clearance. there are the initials H-O-T on the background so it cannot be forged. remember to give it to me when you return.” . “ok.”. then i was transported back into a time vortex and returned to the time where Kratos was about to kill me. before i engage in battle, i asked him to sign the MC. “it’s for reference. if something happen then i can claim Takaful Insurance” . then i used my Fancy Specs and shoot projectiles of rays towards him. Kratos was shocked and had no idea on how to block it. he was hit by the projectiles and he was paralysed. then, i analysed his weak point (which turns out to be his white @$$) and gave him a hard whack with the AC-rattan. he did not have the time to scream as he died instantly. i returned to ACS and give H-O-T the signed MC. as a reward by Zeus, i got back my life and i returned to the time where i went out with my girl. in order not to go through that again, i took her to Lumut instead of Ayer Tawar. she was pissed!!!
*i woke up before i could actually find out what my girlfriend would do. but then again, it was the weirdest dream i’ve had. its weirder than the one on the three engineers (which only hoe siang and justin knows. wanna know?? ask them. i forgot about it) or about me attending Han Shin’s wedding with the Oreo (biscuits) president. i practically stuff myself with Oreos that can feed an african village. to Dr Shariibuu Setev and family, i’m deeply sorry for your loss (Altantuya) and would like to apologise if my dream actually offended you as it has a close reference to how she passed away. sorry. don’t worry, i hope that b*stard (Razak Baginda) goes to hell. let’s hope he’s convicted and put on death row. if that does not happen, then there is something wrong with the justice system in Malaysia.*