elections are just around the corner. i guess in sitiawan they have already put on the banners and rockets. ehehe. i expect a victory for the rockets although the weighing scale could pull an upset. no chance for green flag though, your manifesto is downright PATHETIC!!
it’s basically the same here. the candidate in my place had just organised a dinner for the whole kampung last sunday. too bad he didn’t get a chance to see me, the real VIP (very important person). ahaha. of course he spreaded his manifesto; saying he’ll do this and that…bla bla bla. however, he has a reputation for being stingy. the food at the dinner he organised was not enough because of limiting factors (MONEY la!!! he does not want to exceed his small budget).
weighing scale keychains were distributed. the small kid in my house gladly put it on his pencil box, his bag, his house keys and god knows where. that’s how many keychains he was given. there’s a small twist in the keychain.
for those who don’t know (especially winnie), this is selangor’s chief minister: khir toyo. i really pantang to see my own face on keychains or cards of any kind. those who are jealous of me (note: there are people who are jealous of me..i’m serious) could easily take it and perform some voodoo or jampi. hey, they could even vandalise it or use the image and paste it on a naked man while claiming it’s unedited. i have high morals ok. by the way, khir toyo is one of the most charismatic ministers i’ve seen. check out his portrait: he’s the only minister who took his picture sideways unlike any other ministers. pandai camwhore nampak.
after witnessing parties putting up posters everywhere, i was thinking. what if i run for the elections? what would be my manifesto? at least my manifesto won’t be as lame as PAS’s. can you believe that they had the nerve to put up a huge banner that reads : ISLAM UNTUK SEMUA. that’s freaking pathetic; using a religion as your manifesto. there are other races and religions. respect them, you morons! no wonder Kelantan is underdeveloped. they have narrow-minded people to run their state. what is even funnier is that they have allied themselves with PKR (parti keadilan rakyat) and say that if they win, 30 cents will be cut from petrol prices. though it may sound interesting, it could never happen. malaysia has been subsidising petrol for many years. i think the oil prices now are quite reasonable if compared to other countries. it will deplete our resources if petrol prices are reduced. means we have to pay higher taxes to cushion the impact.
i can’t take it anymore. if my country needs me, i will serve them by running for elections. presenting my plans!!
i don’t want to join DAP or BN. i wanna run as an independent candidate. calon bebas!! so, i need to have a logo.
hehe. what a logo for a party. but i’m scared i might get sued or SPR will reject this logo.
hehe. arsenal and transfromers combined. ahaha. perfect for me. but i found this on the net. it’s not original. so, i have finally decided to use this logo:
my signature alien. so far, no one in this world is able to create this. so its mine, all mine.
i haven’t voted before so i think this is the situation. mark an ‘X’ beside the alien.
this poster will be up only in front of my headquarters. i do not want to put up posters on walls or hang banners. i can assure you no one is going to clean up the mess after the elections are over. i’m calon bebas, remember?
you know what, maybe i should set up a party. yeah, i’ll ask ling gear long to be my political advisor. everything sure can jalan. then samuel can be my creative director. he can design all the posters ala Kiamhu Man comics and post in on the net. hmmm, arronan will be a good addition. he can be my bodyguard. he looks a bit soft but i can assure you when the going gets tough, he gets tougher. ahaha. maybe i’ll get kit kei as well. her ganas mode will be very useful. ehehe.
if i win, there are a few things i would do. the first, i will use approximately 40% percent of the funds given by the government to buy oreos and yogurt. they are not for me, mind you. they are actually for the school-going children. for years, schools have been selling cream-o’s to students. its horrible. they deserve better. they should get a small packet of oreos every single day for free. well, yogurt is comlimentary with the oreos. it provides a medium to dunk the oreos in. not for lactose-intolerant people though. i am noble, right aoife??
for primary school students, i have a surprise.
oral hygiene is very important. so i have decided to give all of them a batman toothbrush. not only am i promoting oral hygiene, i’m actually influencing them to like batman. ahahaha.
another thing high on my agenda is the cleanliness of toilets.
after 17 years (this is the 18th year), i’ve finally found billion’s toilet (sitiawan branch). i wished i have never found it. it’s horrible and downright filthy. if i’m in office, i’ll make sure every toilet is like the 50sen- toilet in lumut; only it’s free
hehe. i’ll ask samy vellu to step down too if i’m elected. he has been in office for 32 years (according to my aunty) and its time to go. even mahathir was not prime minister for 30 years. go and live your majestic life in india, dude. it’s ironic how he made a comment on he’s going to leave if the indian community wants him too. dey, we want you out a FREAKING LONG TIME AGO!!
behind every successful man, lies a woman. its true. so, anyone interested to be a politician’s wife? yuanwen said that i should get a chinese one but i’m feeling a bit adventerous now. chinese mixed with ah moh, anyone? or maybe indian mixed with ah moh like laura of cornetto love? perhaps. or girls like shanna. but a chinese will do.
oh ya, schools which have ridiculous rules like the fan must not be switched on for the first two periods will be banned with immediate effect. you need to cut costs? i’m sorry but the fan is essential for the condusive environment where students are supposed to study in. you need money, i’ll ask the government to give you some. yes ACS-ians. vote for me and the fan will be switched on the whole day. ahahaha.
you’re not really a typical malaysian politician if you don’t abuse some of your power. i will make a law that sends people to jail if they call me a malay or a siamese. hehe. no kidding. that means ian and weijian might probably go to jail but i’ll spare them. it’s the people here that i won’t spare. oh ya, i’ll send people to jail too if they question my tamil-speaking skills. “Karu, why your son cannot speak tamil…teach him…”. a very distant relative (i doubt that she is even related to me) asked my dad why i can’t speak tamil. so what. it’s not a freaking big deal. can you speak chinese?? so shut up and mind your own business. accept the fact that i’m a mangosteen; take it or leave it!!
you do know that all the things i’ve written above will most probably not happen. but if you do vote and you see the alien…
put the ‘X’ beside it. exercise your right to vote.