‘X’ marks the spot!!

elections are just around the corner. i guess in sitiawan they have already put on the banners and rockets. ehehe. i expect a victory for the rockets although the weighing scale could pull an upset. no chance for green flag though, your manifesto is downright PATHETIC!!

it’s basically the same here. the candidate in my place had just organised a dinner for the whole kampung last sunday. too bad he didn’t get a chance to see me, the real VIP (very important person). ahaha. of course he spreaded his manifesto; saying he’ll do this and that…bla bla bla. however, he has a reputation for being stingy. the food at the dinner he organised was not enough because of limiting factors (MONEY la!!! he does not want to exceed his small budget).

keychain.jpg

weighing scale keychains were distributed. the small kid in my house gladly put it on his pencil box, his bag, his house keys and god knows where. that’s how many keychains he was given. there’s a small twist in the keychain.

khirtoyol.jpg

for those who don’t know (especially winnie), this is selangor’s chief minister: khir toyo. i really pantang to see my own face on keychains or cards of any kind. those who are jealous of me (note: there are people who are jealous of me..i’m serious) could easily take it and perform some voodoo or jampi. hey, they could even vandalise it or use the image and paste it on a naked man while claiming it’s unedited. i have high morals ok. by the way, khir toyo is one of the most charismatic ministers i’ve seen. check out his portrait: he’s the only minister who took his picture sideways unlike any other ministers. pandai camwhore nampak.

after witnessing parties putting up posters everywhere, i was thinking. what if i run for the elections? what would be my manifesto? at least my manifesto won’t be as lame as PAS’s. can you believe that they had the nerve to put up a huge banner that reads : ISLAM UNTUK SEMUA. that’s freaking pathetic; using a religion as your manifesto. there are other races and religions. respect them, you morons! no wonder Kelantan is underdeveloped. they have narrow-minded people to run their state. what is even funnier is that they have allied themselves with PKR (parti keadilan rakyat) and say that if they win, 30 cents will be cut from petrol prices. though it may sound interesting, it could never happen. malaysia has been subsidising petrol for many years. i think the oil prices now are quite reasonable if compared to other countries. it will deplete our resources if petrol prices are reduced. means we have to pay higher taxes to cushion the impact.

i can’t take it anymore. if my country needs me, i will serve them by running for elections. presenting my plans!!

i don’t want to join DAP or BN. i wanna run as an independent candidate. calon bebas!! so, i need to have a logo.

batmanintro1.jpg

hehe. what a logo for a party. but i’m scared i might get sued or SPR will reject this logo.

 optimus.jpg

hehe. arsenal and transfromers combined. ahaha. perfect for me. but i found this on the net. it’s not original. so, i have finally decided to use this logo:

party1.jpg

my signature alien. so far, no one in this world is able to create this. so its mine, all mine.

vote1.jpg

i haven’t voted before so i think this is the situation. mark an ‘X’ beside the alien.

manifesto1.jpg

this poster will be up only in front of my headquarters. i do not want to put up posters on walls or hang banners. i can assure you no one is going to clean up the mess after the elections are over. i’m calon bebas, remember?

you know what, maybe i should set up a party. yeah, i’ll ask ling gear long to be my political advisor. everything sure can jalan. then samuel can be my creative director. he can design all the posters ala Kiamhu Man comics and post in on the net. hmmm, arronan will be a good addition. he can be my bodyguard. he looks a bit soft but i can assure you when the going gets tough, he gets tougher. ahaha. maybe i’ll get kit kei as well. her ganas mode will be very useful. ehehe.

if i win, there are a few things i would do. the first, i will use approximately 40% percent of the funds given by the government to buy oreos and yogurt. they are not for me, mind you. they are actually for the school-going children. for years, schools have been selling cream-o’s to students. its horrible. they deserve better. they should get a small packet of oreos every single day for free. well, yogurt is comlimentary with the oreos. it provides a medium to dunk the oreos in. not for lactose-intolerant people though. i am noble, right aoife??

for primary school students, i have a surprise.

batman.jpg batman figurine???

toothbrush.jpg nah, toothbrush only

oral hygiene is very important. so i have decided to give all of them a batman toothbrush. not only am i promoting oral hygiene, i’m actually influencing them to like batman. ahahaha.

another thing high on my agenda is the cleanliness of toilets.

toilet.jpg

after 17 years (this is the 18th year), i’ve finally found billion’s toilet (sitiawan branch). i wished i have never found it. it’s horrible and downright filthy. if i’m in office, i’ll make sure every toilet is like the 50sen- toilet in lumut; only it’s free

hehe. i’ll ask samy vellu to step down too if i’m elected. he has been in office for 32 years (according to my aunty) and its time to go. even mahathir was not prime minister for 30 years. go and live your majestic life in india, dude. it’s ironic how he made a comment on he’s going to leave if the indian community wants him too. dey, we want you out a FREAKING LONG TIME AGO!!

behind every successful man, lies a woman. its true. so, anyone interested to be a politician’s wife? yuanwen said that i should get a chinese one but i’m feeling a bit adventerous now. chinese mixed with ah moh, anyone? or maybe indian mixed with ah moh like laura of cornetto love? perhaps. or girls like shanna. but a chinese will do.

oh ya, schools which have ridiculous rules like the fan must not be switched on for the first two periods will be banned with immediate effect. you need to cut costs? i’m sorry but the fan is essential for the condusive environment where students are supposed to study in. you need money, i’ll ask the government to give you some. yes ACS-ians. vote for me and the fan will be switched on the whole day. ahahaha.

you’re not really a typical malaysian politician if you don’t abuse some of your power. i will make a law that sends people to jail if they call me a malay or a siamese. hehe. no kidding. that means ian and weijian might probably go to jail but i’ll spare them. it’s the people here that i won’t spare. oh ya, i’ll send people to jail too if they question my tamil-speaking skills. “Karu, why your son cannot speak tamil…teach him…”. a very distant relative (i doubt that she is even related to me) asked my dad why i can’t speak tamil. so what. it’s not a freaking big deal. can you speak chinese?? so shut up and mind your own business. accept the fact that i’m a mangosteen; take it or leave it!!

you do know that all the things i’ve written above will most probably not happen. but if you do vote and you see the alien…

vote2.jpg

put the ‘X’ beside it. exercise your right to vote.

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32 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Jac on March 4, 2008 at 2:23 am

    IF u win(its quite hard..i think oni batman fans will vote 4 u..other superheroes’ fans will definitely go against u) i think u shud change all da skul uniform 2 batman suit la..haha

    calling 4 other superheroes’ fan(superman especially),sabotage this calon bebas..haha

  2. Posted by Jac on March 4, 2008 at 2:24 am

    IF u win(its quite hard..i think oni batman fans will vote 4 u..other superheroes’ fans will definitely go against u) i think u shud change all da skul uniform 2 batman suit la..haha

    calling 4 other superheroes’ fans(superman especially),sabotage this calon bebas..haha

  3. Posted by yuan wen on March 4, 2008 at 5:08 am

    =.=”
    Venturin into politics now laa?? Anyway, eiii yea i said choose a chinese (over indian actualy) but i support oso what .. ur idea of getting a mixed-chick…
    Get one same lik mine (in future), with blue eyes.. or hazel green. or both. (Both as in one eye green one eye blue, not one girl with blue eyes one girl with green eyes)
    And then maybe u get quadruplets, one with blue eyes, one with green eyes, one with green-and-blue eyes, and one with boring brown. Cool eh.
    ….Seems lik im gettin quite obsessed with eye colour huh…. hmm.

  4. Posted by edgy_aren on March 4, 2008 at 6:05 am

    wow…u guys still hav a pretty shallow taste in d opposite sex huh…who cares if its indian,chinese or arabic n stuff…as long as u hav chemistry…things’ll b cool…wats dis stereotype abt white ppl bein more beautiful n stuff…people wyt dat kinda thinkin is no diff frm d government who marginalise ppl.
    Why Cant We All Just Get Along
    complainin about racism n not doin anythin about it…no impact wei!
    change d way we are n start lovin d brother whether he’s black grey or purple
    -I’M JUST SAYIN-

  5. Posted by ~DeNNi$~ on March 4, 2008 at 8:21 am

    haha,feeling adventurous huh?? y not choose a chinese mixed with bangari like erm….oh MELISSA M.T>she’ll be a damn good politician wife la..with her “sweet voice” that’ll definitely gets u lotz of vote. plus she can also be ur part time BODY_GUARD if the full time 1 is not available..!!bwahahahahaha
    say NO to batman la..useless 1..vote for SUPERMAN better wei,at least he’s the real hero and most importantly..he’s NOT A WOMANIZER like batman whom i suppose should be a HIV+..hahaha..!!

    but for the sake of getting a non bumi ruling party i’ll put a small,tiny,minute cross for u la..at least now MALAYSIA got a new definition..MALAY+SIAM..!!!BWAhAHahAHAha…

    don put me in jail wei,or else when i come out time u’ll be shot like Benazir(am i right)??haha…cHILL..!!

  6. Posted by Ian Goh on March 4, 2008 at 9:58 am

    go screw urself in the ass la…..dah la malaysia like crap d…plus u in the equation,hancur sama sekali laa…haha…..BATMAN SUCKS la….he fights a CLOWN to save the day…………………….SUPERMAN rocks laa…..hehehehe….

    u dare to put me in jail??? i’ll bring my secret weapon along…………ur ‘kryptonite’, TPS……….muahaha

  7. Posted by Alan on March 4, 2008 at 12:55 pm

    spiderman rocks la….but venom is the best ok!

  8. Posted by ivyhar on March 4, 2008 at 1:58 pm

    when i first look at the batman. i was like WOW.. HUNK!!! then..manatau, ceeeeh..tooth brush only

  9. Posted by Rebecca on March 4, 2008 at 3:26 pm

    Free oreos n yogurt everyday? U want Malaysia to have more ‘obessed ‘ ppl izzit? Nvm, batman is rich ma, can give out free slimming sessions for all the rakyat.

    p/s: save the best for me, i prefer Marie France Bodyline, more expensive…heheh

  10. jac-slim chance of me winning, if i ever run for elections.

    yuanwen-the quadraplets thingy won’t work unless you’re a cat

    aaron-ahaha.not being racist but stating my preference for now

    ian-hehe. batman is obviously way COOLER than superman

    weijian-btw, benazir was not only shot. she was blown up in pieces. that’s why i have arronan.

    ivy-you wanna see a hunk?? there’s one in my poster above..ehehe

    rebecca-ahahah..free yogurt but its nestle bliss. fat free or at least very little so that people won’t get that fat.

    by the way people, this post is featured on wordpress.com. front page wei. ahahahahaa

  11. Posted by Alan on March 5, 2008 at 4:54 am

    you hunk?haha…wat a joke.

  12. Posted by yvonnehar on March 5, 2008 at 6:19 am

    dennis – COME OOOOOON~~~~~~ give melissa a BREAK lar….!! haha…seems like u’re very into her…..

  13. Posted by winniehar on March 5, 2008 at 6:31 am

    aha!!yuan wen’s funny..
    not juz me k..i bet most of the ppl dunno who’s the minister for selangor..zzz..

  14. Posted by arronan on March 5, 2008 at 10:58 am

    dei i ur bodyguard?come on i’ve got better things to do la..mayb winnie can b ur bodyguard..hehe..probabaly u can take over from samy vellu..tat fellow already has an airport on top of his head..haha..
    haiz so fast talking bout chicks d..u r still young sachin..dun get tied up so soon..its just a waste of time n money i suppose(affection)..but if u think u really like some1..just go for it..
    hey results out on the 12th huh?confirm?

  15. Posted by samuel on March 5, 2008 at 11:25 pm

    I am in i am in!!!!
    haha!

  16. Posted by yvonnehar on March 6, 2008 at 1:39 am

    yeah…confirmed

  17. Posted by ~DeNNi$~ on March 6, 2008 at 4:17 am

    yvonne~hey,i gave her a long break d k..since the appearance 0f sachin’s green kryptonite(TPS) i din talk bout her d la..
    btw,MELISSA wil always be sachin’s big chunk of yellow kryptonite..haha..guess wat it is la,ian…hehe..
    a hint:solid at room temperature and liquid when heated..hehe..!!

  18. HUH?? FATS??

  19. Posted by ~DeNNi$~ on March 6, 2008 at 5:12 am

    That’s ToOO general jo la..wat i meant is actually BUTTER..!!haha..!!

  20. Posted by Ian Goh on March 6, 2008 at 5:49 am

    hahaha….butter………..damn funny….well,at least sachin has an unlimited supply of butter…..

  21. Posted by yvonnehar on March 6, 2008 at 6:59 am

    oooooo…not bad also…haha

  22. Posted by ~DeNNi$~ on March 6, 2008 at 8:20 am

    ian~yea,haha..but this yellow kryptonite has got the same effect as the red 1 which will make sachin got very HORNY and will have a great desire for MELISSA..bwahahahhahaha..!!

  23. Posted by Ian Goh on March 6, 2008 at 12:01 pm

    hmmmm………..how interesting….haha…come on come one…there are more colours than red and yellow wat….

    blue krpytonite-?
    black kryptonite-?
    silver kryptonite-??
    haha….yet to be discovered….

  24. Posted by Alan on March 7, 2008 at 5:17 am

    i tot red kryponite is become aggressive?red kryponite is when he is driving…yellow is melissaa

  25. Posted by samuel on March 7, 2008 at 4:00 pm

    stupid kids with kryponite fantasies…pffftttt

  26. Posted by yvonnehar on March 8, 2008 at 2:12 am

    they are no more kids! u are! haha…

  27. Posted by ::henzai:: on March 10, 2008 at 2:36 am

    i m late..anyway..i m glad tat most probably we r able 2 c the renewed malaysia in the nex 5 years..come on…don let those “smarties” rules the country evermore..
    if not bcoz of them, i wont b here (oz).. 😛
    so glad tat ur wish comes true..sungai siput tat was supposed 2 win candidate LOST.. 😦 –> 😀
    lol lol lol….eager 2 go back malaysia adi..walking wid my nose high up 😛

  28. Posted by michelleyu on March 10, 2008 at 7:30 am

    OMG ah beng….!!!
    u’re so freaking ufunny….
    the batman toothbrush is REALLY cute!!!!!

  29. Posted by michelleyu on March 10, 2008 at 7:30 am

    OMG ah beng….!!!
    u’re so freaking funny….
    the batman toothbrush is REALLY cute!!!!!
    i wonder if there’s winnie the pooh punya…haha!

  30. Posted by eefaa noelle on March 14, 2008 at 10:41 am

    four more years til my vote counts.

    review yr manifesto. Wht would you do fr taxes, potholes in the road, Barney’s appearances on telly, etc. i like the fan-bit tho. Convent’s rules were tougher. Fans go on ONLY after break. 😦

  31. aoife-i’m not really into politics so i will definitely not be a politician. don’t worry, i’m sure someone else can come up with a better manifesto

  32. I would have voted for you. I like Batman. I have two of those Zooth Batman toothbrushes. I use one on myself and the other on my dog, Amber. She likes Batman too. Well, she hasn’t much choice because I don’t offer her the choice of buying her own toothbrush and toothpaste.

    I speak enough Tamil to order food in restaurants, and that’s good enough.

    Your party logo is deadly, bro. Voters will start thinking: “What if mothership calls the candidate to go home, habis, we have no ADUN.”

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