Archive for the ‘emo’ Category

parts made in KL,assembled in SITIAWAN

“i’m from SITIAWAN,Perak”

that’s what i answer whenever people in college ask me about where i was from.did you know i was born in KL? fact,i only moved to sitiawan when i was roughly 3 years old.i thought that the fact that i was born in KL does not make me an original Sitiawan product,but i feel that this small,humble town made me into what i am today.

naval base

this is what got me into sitiawan in the first place:the naval base.haha.i can’t offer any pictures beyond the gate.very mafan .you need to leave your IC and particulars at the gate.then as you exit they will check what’s inside your car boot.gosh.very troublesome.anyway,my dad got transferred to the navall base in lumut.that’s why we moved and settled down in sitiawan.


yeah.this is my first house.i got a shock when i came to take a photograph of is not like when i lived in it.there used to be a lawn,a place where i could play all day,and pots of flowers which my mum made me water every,it looks like a joint for drug addicts.gosh.what was left of that beautiful  home is the white house.


i can’t find any full frontal pictures of my you can see,it was much more beautiful last time.


i still can’t make the same face since this photo was taken.hahahaha.yeah.i had the furniture since damn troublesome to keep.DON’T buy these types of’ll regret it and your children will hate you for buying them!


this is my first birthday party in sitiawan! 7th birthday.merdeka you know my previous birthdays were held at my grandma’s house in hulu langat,kl?!it means that whenever its time for my birthday,we had to drive all the way to KL in my ancient taufu-lou honda accord just to throw a party.hahaha.mum got fed up and organised it in sitiawan on my 7th birthday.


i OWNED this stretch of road!haha.i remembered riding my blue bicycle as fast as i can.hahaha.there used to be lots of first fall on my bike was under a tree  but i can’t remember where as most of the big trees were chopped off.hmmm


i bought peanut butter biscuits (my favourite at that time…tak tahu pun oreos existed) at this shop.hahaha.i had my first siu mai,lou ma kai,fishballs,charsiew pau and stuff you find at coffeeshops in a silver steam cabinet.not here la but at the coffeeshop next is where i spent whatever coins i could find at numerous tikam machines.hahaha.and and and the owner of the shop has a pretty niece who taught me at kuok ming school.hahaha.i went there in the afternoons to study chinese.hahaha.i used to be able to read and write chinese but now i’m hopeless.yeah.back to the niece.i always looked forward to her lessons.she taught me moral during my first year and maths during my second year.yeah.mondays,wednesdays,fridays.those were the days she would teach my class.once i hitched a ride home with her,i  was silent the whole trip.ahahaha.and she asked me why i was quiet.muahahahaha.kuok ming school.yeah.i broke some furniture that belong to this man who actually has a house in the school compound.and as what true boys do at that age,i ran!he didn’t claim for the damages but he did glared at me whenever i’m nearby.gosh.sorry old man!


a basketball court RIGHT in front of my house.if only i stayed there till now,i might grow taller or become better in basketball.hmmmmmm.sadly,that’s not the case.i moved  into my current sitiawan house when i was forward 11 years,i now have a japanese neighbour,a hairdressing neighbour and some vietname neighbours!hahaha.there’s so many movement in and out of the house every night.hahahahahahaha.some of them are sexy you know.


this small building played a huge role in my life……


tadika linden!!!hahaha.did you know most of my friends went here for kindergarten?yeah.i have a tendency to remember all my firsts.i was cheated by my mum to go to kindergarten.i thought that my mum bought me a cool new red shirt and white shorts to wear for outings and such.then she told me to wear it and took me to tadika and left me on my own after 2 soon as i reached home i cried.i hated it so much.hahaha.i wonder if miss chan and mrs jeba are still there teaching young brats like me?hmmmmmm.


yes people,this is my primary school.we all fit into that building;standard one to standard six.hahahahaha.this is my school’s hall.KECERMELANGAN MATLAMAT KAMI!what a catchy slogan.


my primary school is located just beside my secondary school,separated by a wire fence.on saturdays,the hall will be filled by taikwondo students.ahhahaha.teacher’s day celebrations are held here and so does the many episodes in which tuantynn avoids tizebin.hahaha.did you know that tizebin has a crush on tuantynn?and tuantynn would avoid him when he crosses her line of sight?gosh.epic man.hahahaha


they said the hall is can hear the piano playing by itself at nights,they claim.i haven’t heard it so far.


that is the scariest classroom ever.just going up the stairs gives me the chill.gosh.i don’t even know what’s those who went in,let me know ya.


this is where the japanese prisoners dig their own grave.and we were running around the field every single day.gosh.this is another rumour someone told me.hahaha.


the looks disgusting.frankly,which school toilet doesn’t?however………….


it looks damn decent for a school toilet.


the basketball court actually served as a tapak perhimpunan.and as prefects,our weekly spot check during assembly was to see if students wash their shoes or got nothing else better to do.actually,i was a librarian for 2 years before becoming a huh.hahaha.special shoutout to ramanan here!he was my first friend in primary school.hahaha.i also had my first discipline case in primary school.i “extorted” money from tizebin.hahahaha.we had a bet about whether ultraman would air later in the day during a tuition class.i was thinking “gosh,easy rm1 for me”.so the next day when i went and claimed my prize,he reported to the rm1 i got a discipline case.hahahaha.small kids those days…sigh.


small kids these days!!!hahaha.they have no shame at all.if you can see clearly,there’s a taikwondo student peeing behind the bush.hahahaha.he’s so unlucky i was there to take photos.ahahahahaha.


the owner of this shop is one of mankind’s greatest contributors:his greatest contribution to the world is none other than IVY har,you are one good man that shall be remembered by me!hehehe.his 2nd greatest contribution to the world is the fact that he sold me a selling the PC,he gave me access to the internet.thus the birth of my blog.if it wasn’t for him,you wouldn’t be reading this post at all.


home curry house!if there’s a restaurant i would frequent for every meal for a whole month or two,it’s got to be this kick-ass joint.ok,maybe the food is not that great but its definitely convenient.i used to walk under the scorching heat with ang on days our mums got too lazy to we drive as we are too lazy.hahaha.super gay since last time.


this is the place to get both NST and the star after 11am.during school holidays when there was no newspaper from school,i used to cycle all the way to this joint.hahahaha.why 11am?that’s because i usually wake up at then its way too late to get english newspapers at stands near my,what has to be done must be done.i have to get them newspapers!


capri.hahahaha.this is my most favourite place to eat.fine,maybe fullpann has better food.fine,fullpann has air con.fine,fullpann has no moaquitoes.but i really really like capri.maybe its the atmosphere.hmmmm.i should stop thinking about it.i’m already drooling.


hehe.sitiawan’s local’s kinda an amazing building if you had witness it transform from a rundown building to one of sitiawan’s money-milkers.yeah.this building has a rich history.countless tamil movies have been screened here,countless (actually there weren’t many)chairs thrown within the screening halls and countless pink tickets sold by the old chinese ladies at the counter.yeah.i wonder what happened to the old aunty.


i give you sitiawan’s main shopping hub:THE STORE!!!hahaha.yeah.sorry about the poor picture.its kinda dangerous to take a picture while driving.bolehlah,the picture is kinda decent.anyway,here is where samuel gets most of its clothes (this line is referred to his friends who were/still studying with him at the UK).hehe.yogurt here is very fresh,unlike what some people claim.anyway,its still going strong despite competition from billion,ceria,econsave and giant.that might soon change with jusco being proposed to open a branch just opposite to giant.hehe.finally,a well known branch of deparmental store since parkson.hohoho.


this is where you find a lot of people on a thursday afternoon:the thursday market.i used to think that the thursday market was on a grand scale until i came to KL and witness connaught night market.if thursday market is a proton then connaught pasar malam is a mercedes.hahahaha.i opt to describe connaught pasar malam as a mercedes as i’ve heard there’s a bigger pasar malam somewhere in KL.hehe.anyway,this place evokes many memories.the most significant one was when i went there on ang’s motorbike without a helmet and was caught by my a result,my license classes were DELAYED.i was furious and so was she.hahahaha.the worst part is she sent an sms to ian’s phone informing me that she was going to delay my license embarassing was that!!!apa mau buat?i didn’t own a handphone at that time.and when i thought i owned one during post PMR,it was stolen at Lost World of Tambun.damn!!!!


this is what could be a specialists center in the future.the doctors that might run this place is daryl yeak,ian goh,ling j-cyn,samuel ding and maybe a few dentists.hahaha.manjung parade!!sitiawan’s most tak laku punya once housed lookinggood,a was not a nice place to shop.i only remembered it as there was an A&W outlet.if there’s one reason to force me to lookinggood its A&W.then it was institut tech,a tuition center where the air-con was freaking cold.there was a store selling pokemon cards too there.there was also a gym.that is until the building housed a snooker center.hehehe.


C&E beauty house.I STRONGLY URGE YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE TO NOT TAKE PHOTOGRAPHS WITH YOUR PHONE WHILE DRIVING!!!!!hahaha.its dangerous and your photos don’t come out that good.anyway,i now have to start looking for a facial shop nearby my house here in KL as i don’t think i will go there for facials in the future.i will really miss the relaxing face massages and the countless advice to drink more water from the aunties.hahahaha.

tucky light at the traffic light.its ok to take a shot.if there’s a notion to eat chicken rice then i would gladly drive all the way to restoran tucky.hahaha.


this is by far the most important building in sitiawan:SMK Methodist (ACS),EST 1903 does not mean there are 1903 students who got an A1 in English for Science and Technology (EST).in fact,we did so badly for EST until the school opt not to offer the subject anymore.EST in this case means basically my school is 106 years old this huh?


this is my class block from form 1 to form used to be in white but it has now transformed into a butter/balai polis/mr bean school.why yellow dr ashleigh?haha.i used to walk slowly along this road after school so that two girls will shout “BYE BYE SACHIN!” if they are still there.well,i only wanted to hear it from ONE of the girls.the other one just kacau!hehe.but after 2 weeks they got bored of saying bye-bye to me.sigh.anyway,my class would be at the front end of the block except in form 1 where i was in 1A3.hahaha.the class was so much fun.


the canteen:where we escape to after hours of studying (more like daydreaming,sleeping,reading newspaper,buat bissing,gossiping).i will always remember fear factor uncle who has left school after the class of 2007.mingsern used to be his usual customer until 2005 or sometime then.i think he did not like his ‘happy meal’.in fact,many didnt like the free gifts that came with his ‘happy meal’.they went and lodged numerous complaints because they found cockroaches,flies,lizard’s tail (nice wat the cintan mee,sup ekor wert).once,ang found a rubber band in his fried sotong.WTF.hahaha.i would always go for indian nasi lemak.then i will tambah fried egg,chicken,sambal telur (the sambal of the sambal telur way way way better than the normal sambal).at times i will get sirap cincau to drink.hahaha.if i were to drink it on a daily basis sure i’ll get diabetes.anyway,the quality of the sambal has deteriorated since i left.the highly addictive chicken nuggets there are now sold by mr burong’s wife:5 for rm2.damn.last time the chinese aunty sold 3 for rm1.maybe yihan got discount or something because he’s always seen hitting on taliking to the aunty.hmmm.maybe yihan got discount from the indian stall instead since he’ll go for his customary 2nd round of kueyteow with cucur smothered in sambal.hahahahahaha.i will also remember air suam kurang manis and teh tarik kurang manis tambah susu.WTF again.


the forbidden are not allowed to touch the shown pole.its contaminated with chiaching’s booger!


basketball court.recently it has been resurfaced and the backboard was replaced.i had many memories at this court.i joined the closed competition first with NUMB (hahaha…we were easily distinguished with our football jersey tops) and then with CDMC Avengers!hahaha.we were the worst team ever.we lost all 7 of our matches.i did end up as the team’s top scorer.oh ya,i broke a flower pot in frustation as well.hahaha.sachin the vandal!!!!


our school has a tennis huh?


library.guess which one of them is my sister.hahahaha.


guys’ toilet.only open whenever the janitor feels like is the newer one.


guys’ common toilet.always can find cigarette boxes in the flush tanks.once during a spot check,i found poop in the it got there remains a disgusting’s so high on earth did that guy pull off an upper decker?


ladies’ smells worse than the guys’ toilet.i kid you not.


this is my form 2 class photo.somehow my face is scratched off.aiyo.haha.i had misplaced my form 1 class photo.


form 3 of mums’ worst nightmares:their sakai sons in white pants! mum had a super hard time cleaning my pants as they get dirty way too easily.hahahaha.


form 4 class would have been so much better if there are a few people from 4Sc2 were to be in 4Sc1 and melissa would just vanish from the face of the earth.i had a torrid time in form 4 being teased.aiyo!


form 5 class ever!hahaha.


this is where i sit:at the side of a’s seriously an ideal place to sit because……..


i can actually see more of the class used to be in white.its so much darker now.if my class was pink 2 years ago surely i cannot really see *ehem*….i’ll stop guys must not know what and who i always see in class.hahahaha.


the arrow points to where clarence and another fella will flirt with kuanpeihuang.hahaha.samuel,please don’t leave nasty comments about her or her sister later ok? can seriously look at the pretty girls who pass by.hahaha.

did you know i have 49 crushes in school?hahaha.i kept score ok but mostly they are mini crushes.full crushes are rare and few in between.and only a few of those full crushes actually developed into something more (i mean my feelings,not our relationships).hahaha.out of 49,2 of them are 1 year younger;3 are 1 year elder,5 are 2 years elder,4 are 3 years elder,and the rest are all of the same age.however,of the few that i will certainly remember for the rest of my life………


i will always remember ling yiwen.she was my FIRST high school crush.ahahahahaha.chiaching,alan must be going wtf wtf what.i had a crush on her until i knew of changyung’s existence.hahaha.its really a sad way to know somebody exist because he got through to your crush’s heart.hahaha.its ok next (full) crush was way hotter than her.ahahahahahahaha.

i will remember the crap we talked and did in school.hahaha.there will always be a poll created by snow whitetigress about who is the most handsome in class,or who is the manliest in class.i never got the highest rating before (which is 1) from anybody in class.hahaha.then samuel who clearly is incensed because he didn’t get the highest rating would condemn the act,saying that chianwoon and the girls are wuliao.hahaha.i’ll be singing along with him because i’m also a tad bit disappointed because i didn’t get no really serves as an ego-booster if you get a very high rating.muahahahahahahaha.

i will always remember the scout camps in school and what fun can the presence of a few motorcycles can bring.romp-it outings were memorable especially during ang’s birthday.hahaha.just so that i won’t forget,i was the director of pillion riders.i have no idea what the positions are for.all i know i was riding pillion.favoured destined rider will always be ian goh,director of safe riding.i’m almost certain my life is at great hands whenever i ride pillion on his blue lagenda.hahaha.i also remember the time when chiaching took jacob’s motorbike and rode with the others for makan.then he met an accident at the crystal hotel traffic light.the first thing he did after he got up is to see whether his tapau-ed milo was spilled or not instead of inspecting the damage done on jacob’s motor.jacob never let anyone borrow his bike again…………

the reason i’m writing this post is that i’m leaving for india for the next 2 the time i’m back i won’t return to sitiawan as my mum finally shifts to is a very disheartening situation you know.i grew up in a small humble town and watch it develop alongside me.there was no 7-11 before i took my there are 4 outlets.people from sitiawan would eat mcdonald’s whenever they travel they eat something else because they got sien of eating mcdonalds since there’s a mcd outlet here.i use to pity those lala mui-s of simpang tiga who dress up nicely to go shop at econsave but soon they can dress up to go to jusco in another few years time.

i’ll miss you gave me kongpiang,late night nasi lemak,fresh seafood.but most importantly,you gave me the best memories and the time of my life.


this was the most recent outing:my farewell is the most gut-wrenching outing so far.hahaha.justin got me this batman lantern.this is the best lantern ever.when i was forced to make a speech before i cut my cake,i almost cried and winnie was recording would be so not macho if i did cry.anyway,i got hanshin to feed me the cake.hahahaha.

the memories are there because of you people are pieces of a puzzle.if a few pieces are missing then the puzzle would not be complete and you will not see the full picture as the pieces could not be are pieces that i would like to keep forever.sounds familiar right yvonne?i copied and edited your guys mean the world to me.i will miss you guys a lot.i’ll miss HER more though.ahahahahaha.

i started blogging because it was a trend back then but now i trully realised what the purpose of blogging is for:it serves to a be a reminder of the joys and treasured memories you’ve accumulated throughout the years and the happiness is shared to those who mean the most to you.i will update my blog more when i get there so you guys would know what is going on there.someday,i will return to sitiawan.the only problem is i have no place to stay.ang budget hotel and recreation centre:your favourite customer will be a place for me will ya!


the boy who thinks that the world is orbitting the sun a little bit too fast

is it just me or time flew really fast.the final day of 2008 (as of today)  and tomorrow will be a brand new year,brand new beginning and a brand new chapter in my life.

a lot has happened this year.friends took different paths to achieve their goals.some of their paths crossed and some seemed like a twisted,neverending road with no visible junctions in sight (like mine).

i made new friends along the way.some as acquaintances,some as good friends (i hope).

i never achieved any of my resolutions made at the start of the year.guess i shouldn’t have made resolutions.instead,i should make goals throughout the year.

i let my hair grow.some liked it,some disliked it.SHE likes it.then i shaved my head.some liked it,some disliked it.SHE had no comment.

i had regrets (who doesn’t).from decisions that should have been made when the sun has not risen,and those that should have been made ages before i left.things would have been different if  i took the risks.alas,i’m just a indecisive fool  not willing to take’s time to look for new ones.

my facial hair is a matter how long i left it to grow,it still can’t grow hands are no longer as smooth as they used to be.time to apply lotion.

i lost in size now.

i’ve waited for the plane but it crashed before it could land.i missed another flight as i was waiting for the earlier-mentioned plane.i wanted to board another plane but there were no tickets.i’m still stuck at the airport.alone.

i finally worn my sandals out.going to buy new ones.currently in flip-flops.

i gained a new skill.lost my shooting touch.still can’t dribble well with my left hand.hangtime is longer than before although there’s not much elevation.i now have ‘the floater’.

i’ve become help from whitening creams.just grew fairer naturally.

still short.haven’t grown in height.but grown in stature =p

controlled my swearing self.became more polite.reserved.rarely hyper.but still immature.

my chinese is still of primary 1 cantonese is tamil…………my BM has english is not as it used to be.

coldplay rocks.keane’s good.just discovered james morisson.sang to all james blunt’s songs.shaking my head to kanye west.relaxed to john legend.think things through with alicia keys.

i’ve changed.SHE has changed.YOU have changed.i don’t know YOU anymore.a new vase for a new plant?i liked the previous flower better.or maybe i missed out on the growing plant………a new trim job as an excuse for a new vase??

this song’s for YOU……..

She got out of town
On a railway New York bound
Took all except my name
Another alien on Broadway
There’s some things in this world
You just can’t change
Somethings you can’t see
Until it gets too late
Baby, baby, baby
When all your love is gone
Who will save me
From all I’m up against out in this world
Maybe, maybe, maybe
You’ll find something
That’s enough to keep you
But if the bright lights don’t receive you
You should turn yourself around
And come on home
I got a hole in me now
Yeah,I got a scar I can talk about
She keeps a picture of me
In her apartment in the city
Some things in this world
Man, they don’t make sense
Some things you don’t need
Until they leave you
And they’re things that you miss
Baby, baby, baby
When all your love is gone
Who will save me
From all I’m up against out in this world
Maybe, maybe, maybe
You’ll find something
That’s enough to keep you
But if the bright lights don’t receive you
You should turn yourself around
And come on home
Let that city take you in, come on home
Let that city spit you out, come on home
Let that city take you down, yeah
God’s sake turn around
Baby, baby, baby
When all your love is gone
Who will save me
From all I’m up against in this world
Maybe, maybe, maybe
You’ll find something
That’s enough to keep you
But if the bright lights don’t receive you
You should turn yourself around
And come on home
Come on home
Baby, baby, baby
Come on home
Yeah, come on home
Yeah, come on home

matchbox 20-bright lights.fantastic song

i’m looking forward to my last year as a teenager.i haven’t done anything that i can best remember about my teenage life so far.what ever happened to the proposal of hiking up to Genting Highlands?

my hopes for 2009

  • a healthier year for family,friends and me
  • a death free 2009
  • an uncle cured of cancer
  • a dad cured of whatever he’s having
  • klang bak ku teh
  • transformers 2:revenge of the fallen
  • terminator salvation
  • sunsilk modelling contract..ehehehehe
  • the end of the economic recession
  • the end to PAS’s idiotic political stands
  • the end of Arsenal’s barren trophy spell
  • bigger build
  • firmer butt
  • an end to my mum’s views on my blog
  • moving on to bigger things

happy new year!!!!!

the boy who wants to take a break

i’m broken.

























































































the boy who asked a girl, “do you like coffee or milk???or do you like the stuff in between???”

i just had a conversation with a girl a few hours ago.she’s really very nice to talk to and i feel like throwing away my chemistry book (which made my holidays insignificant as i have to run through them daily for a few hours) away and just throw them away and chat the next hours away.from the few minutes we chatted,i’ve scratched disneyland from my list of potential honeymoon venues.haha.sometimes i do pity the girl that want to be with me (if there’s any).if you’re reading this,thank God she talked me out of disneyland.

anyway,we chatted about batman and catwoman (i brought that up) and some other stuff until she popped a question that NO ONE has ever thought about asking: so,how does it feel like being mixed???

wow.a good question.a question that i have the answer but since no one asked i never,what does it really feel to be of mixed parentage???am i more ‘coffee’ or more ‘milk’??? (by the way,i hate milk).do i prefer being ‘milk’ or ‘coffee’???it really made a lasting impression and i find myself unable to sleep just thinking it here i stand (more like sit) and blog about what i feel about being of mixed parentage.

the truth is,being mixed is really hard especially when one part of you is ‘coffee’ and another is ‘milk’.do you feel as if there are two types of blood flowing through your veins??? nope.i don’t feel that.haha.the blood’s the same,sweetie.anyway,as a kid,you tend to grow with expectations of continuing the family’s something like the chinese (especially the ones on TV) where they want sons to carry on their family name/surname during the old times (i’m not sure whether it still happens or not in this modern area).well, when your dad has a big family and he didn’t really continue the family tradition,the relatives come and ask you questions that a kid should not have even considered giving it a thought. “khanecksha,bila besar nak kahwin cina ke india???”.a standard reply from a boy who does not know the difference between the races,”saya tak suka perempuan”.hehe.don’t be afraid girls,i like girls very much now.i’m not sure why after a certain period of time,they have never bothered me with this question.perhaps a intervention from my mum,the notorious Madam Jo???hehe.highly should not pollute a child’s mind with ideas on races.

in kindergarten,i never had problems making friends of another race.scratch that,we never had problems making friends of different first friend was an indian guy named jeremy.i’m not sure where he is right first girl friend was joanne ho.haha.i would like to talk to her someday since we never talked since like primary school??anyway,small children with unbiased minds in tadika linden are set to be the country’s leaders (hehehe…possible) until………

anyway,primary school was no different.i was running around (what do you expect a smaller version of me would do???) before i enter class with malay,indian and chinese was then i met chiaching,yuanwen,thomas,glenn foo’s tupperware (i wonder whether he uses tupperware in matriculation or not???i forgot to ask him the other day),yipork (he was big back in those days as well…glad you lost weight) and many others.i finally faced a difficult problem regarding my mixed parentage during a UPSR camp held in batu 10.since the malay students gathered every night for their own thing,the non-s had moral class.sadly,it was separated:the chinese go to the chinese class and the indians to another.oh my god.where should i go???technically,i was supposed to go to the indian class but i don’t understand tamil.i’m not going to waste my time sitting still in a corner while everybody else chat away happily.i don’t like being left out (during those days…hehe) so i went to the chinese class where chiaching and glenn was.who cares if i can’t understand chinese.i have TRANSLATORS.hahaha.chiaching even made fun of a chinese girl.if i’m not mistaken, her name was Cho Li Yuen or something.all i know was chiaching started shouting “COLI,COLI,COLI!!!!ahahahahahahaha”. we laughed (our gang) as well.i remembered chooiping was there.yipork was all over her during the camp.haha

remember the part where linden-ers were supposed to be the country’s leaders???we should have been until we entered secondary school.this is when our minds are biased.the chinese hang out with the chinese,the indians with the indians and the malays with the malays.fortunately for me,i can hang out with all races.sadly,the indians think i’m too indian;and the malays think i look like them but i’m totally not one of them.that is when i first experience one of the ugly sides a human being can potray.

despite my indian name,you would notice that i don’t have many indian friends.those who know me can practically name all of i mentioned above,they think i’m too chinese for them or i don’t have enough indian qualities to be a part of their’s really disheartening.i’ve made a few efforts to blend in but my efforts were to no avail.despite their friendly nature,i can feel like they’re judging me. “the only thing indian about him is his name.nothing else”. trying hard to be accepted by them was a complete waste of,i stopped interacting with them and became ‘snobbish’ (in their opinion)

then,the constant questions that i dread.why can’t i speak tamil???why do i pay more attention in improving my chinese but never bothered to speak in tamil??why am i losing my indian heritage bit by bit???my extended relatives ( dad’s cousins and their cousins) never failed to ask me or my dad about it ever since i got to’s so unfair.things didn’t really work out for me in those dad doesn’t speak to me in fact,he only speaks in english and malay in public and even to his family.i didn’t go for tamil classes or had any friends who speak to me in tamil when i was young.i speak english the very minute i learned how to speak.gosh,i feel like telling this people off but then i have to be polite for my dad’s sake.he’ll lose face if his only son was rude to the elders over a question that was asked in a very polite hurts everytime they ask.

fortunately,i am blessed with people that don’t really care about it.yvonne,chiaching,glenn,daryl,just to name a few.even ian and weijian (despite the ‘siam kia’ calls) don’t really care about my mixed fact,they enjoy touching on indian friends are exceptional.they have never consider me as any less of an them,i just can’t speak tamil (which is true).i thank you arronan,ramanan and others.i do have malay friends.although they lack in numbers,they don’t lack in being good parents and my family helped out.they sometimes answer the dreaded questions for me.

being mixed is not all that bad.i get the best of both worlds.deepavali and chinese new year.who gets to do that every year?the food? of the reasons why i was 40kg heavy when i was only in standard 4.i get to experience both cultures which again,many people didn’t get the chance to.i’ve met people like me (justin lembu,robinson,timothy james) who face the same problems but choose to enjoy the priveleges that we have.i’ve also met mixed people but of different races.most notable person is aoife noelle ngo ping hui (irish+chinese=chirish),of course.i enjoy looking at unsuspecting people’s faces when they find out i can speak chinese especially during basketball.first timers usually speak to me in malay (english when in college) during the game and when the ball is out and i said “wo men de qiu (our ball)”,they go “you know chinese???”.ahahahaha.

do i prefer being an indian???do i prefer to be chinese??

the answer is i prefer to be stuck in the middle,being myself.i don’t care whether they accept me into their community or not.i’ve realised that its a privelege for anyone (especially those who judge or question my identity) to know may sound snobbish but it takes a snobbish person to know one.accept people for who they are.we are here for a reason and it’s definitely not being ostricised by you so called “pure beings”.

i remembered that you hated milk (yay) and i’ve never seen you drink coffee so i would rephrase my question that you didn’t give me an answer for,







knocking on heaven’s door

“hfdlhksewqjpoko…..mak!! mak!! ajfga;g;l’;”

if you don’t understand it, so did i. my mentally-ill uncle came ruching out of the house and started telling me in his own language something bad has happened. i was shocked, i had never seen him panic before since he was mentalli ill a few years ago. however, i could make out what he was trying to say; something really bad has happened to my grandmother. i quickly parked my car and ran into the house only to see my aunties crying in her room. i asked what happened. my neighbour whose checking her breathing said, “her breathing is very weak”.

“let’s go and get a doctor here. drive me to the clinic” my neighbour, Rani, told me.

so i sped off with rani and her son in my car. “what happenened to pati??? is she going to be ok??” clearly the small boy was very afraid. he has been babysitted by my grandma and has since became a member of my family. he had no time to be the little devil he has always been. he’s worried.

“dah tak ada dah. maaf (she’s gone. sorry)”

my uncles and aunties started to cry. in fact, everyone in the room cried including the neighbours. i was the only one left with dry eyes. deep down inside, i thanked god for her demise. it’s time for her suffering to end. i called my mum and asked her to call my dad who is in hawaii. later, i sent the doctor home. when i was on my journey home, janet jackson’s song, “feedback” was played on Fly FM. then i was thinking, my grandma will no longer give any feedback after this. it is kinda ironic.

everyone rushed back except my dad. he could not find a flight home in time. it was his turn to organise the funeral but he could not make it. so, my uncle had to do it. my grandma’s elder sister was the first to come and cry on my grandma’s body followed by other relatives. bury her tomorrow, my mum said. clearly she wants it done fast. my dad cannot make it in time, so why bother delaying her funeral.

so i skipped school and informed my secretary, jueanne and asked her to tell the teachers that the most notable absentee is absent for a valid reason. there were lots of people who came and pay their last respects. i didn’t know that i have that many relatives. heck, they even know about my existence but sadly it was not the other way around.

the one most badly affected by this tragedy is none other than the small boy.


the shirt he wore displays our house number here in KL. it’s not like he chose to wear this shirt on my grandma’s funeral (he can’t even wear his shoes correctly), it’s just a coincidence. this boy is babysitted by my grandma shortly after he was born. she was paid at first but she decided not to accept any payment after a while as she has treated him like one of her grandchildren. that is why he comes over everyday right after kindergarten.


he is deeply attached to my grandma, my aunty and my mum. so losing my grandma was quite a bitter pill to swallow. during the proceedings of the funeral, he held my arm tightly and didn’t let go.

my grandma is quite a popular figure in the area. i’m not sure why. so when my mum, the boy and i went to the nearest shop to buy sweets (my mum promised the boy sweets), taiko, the shopkeeper, decided that the drinks we purchased are on him. heck, he even stuff the small boy’s pockets with free sweets. that boy always go to his shop and get the same sweets so taiko knows which sweets to stuff in his pockets.



this is where my grandma frequent during the last months of her life. thank you, doctors who took care of her even though you knew she was on borrowed time.


guess i didn’t follow the rules in the hospital.

a lot of people came and witness the ceromony including our new human resource minister, datuk s.subramaniam. not kidding. i don’t have a picture to prove it but he’s friends with my uncle who lives in segamat, johor. came all the way from johor, i thank you. i didn’t cry throughout the two days. i never thought i would cry. i was wrong. the moment they close the coffin, i broke down and shed tears. i hugged my mum. i realised i will never see her again.


i have never seen such a beautiful flower arrangement in my life. clearly it befits my grandma’s colourful life. i din;t actually wanted to take photos on that day. i was not sure whether i can take them. have you ever seen people taking photos of funerals (except celebrities)?? then my uncle told me to take it. it was our business, he said. he even scolded me for not snapping the moment where he shook hands with the minister. so i took three pictures only as it was near the end.

i will never forget my grandma. i have some regrets of not celebrating deepavali with her last year. i celebrated with my friends in sitiawan as it was a week before SPM. how would i know she would be gone this year. i always remembered that she will always give money whenever i stop the ice cream man. i would always remember the funny ointments she gave when i was in pain. i would always remember the comparisons she made with my father. i would always remember her shouting at people when she’s not happy. i would always remember the times where i would stupidly ask my grandma “still not finished?? what episode is this??” whenever she watches her favourite tamil dramas on astro (thank you, astro for giving us vaanavil and sun tv). i would always remember that you woke me up before 9 on whenever i’m there because you hate people who wakes up late. there are more things i would remember of you.


she was buried beside my grandfather at our family graveyard. not that we own the land but most of the deceased family members are buried there.

on tuesday, a day after she was buried, my youngest cousin came and asked, “pati mana??? (where’s grandma??)”. my mum told him that she took a flight and went travelling. we won’t see her for a very long time, she told him. small kids are innocent and easily cheated. then the small boy placed a stick he found by the roadside on the altar, beside my grandma’s photo. he said when she was alive, she would always find a stick to beat him. so in order to make things easier, he placed it there. that small boy can sometimes touch your heart.


her death can be considered a blessing from god. at least she found the exit from her pain and suffering. try staring at the ceiling for almost a year. if i was bedridden, i would ask the doctor to end my life.

so goodbye, pati. hope you’ll go to heaven and meet up with tata and mo-appa. may your soul rest in peace

i thought i have wings…only for them to be torn apart

this is one of the worst weeks of my life. it all started last sunday when arsenal was beaten 4-0 by manchester united. to rub salt on the wound, they were held by Milan at the emirates last thursday. i didn’t actually watched the game. received a text message that said we were held.

i was actually looking forward to my trip home to sitiawan this week. i had to attend a course so that i can achieve something higher in scouting. the whole king scout batch was there except for chiaching (welcome back from JS my friend!!). my mum booked a taxi to come fetch me at 12 noon. so, i left class 30 minutes earlier, took my lunch and proceeded to McDonald’s for desert. it was 12.10pm. curious on why he was late, i called the taxi driver.“you wait a…i have to go to the airport..i’m on my way…i’ll call you…” ok, fine. i waited till 2.30pm. i am blessed with a lot of patience so i didn’t lash out at the taxi driver. there were two indian ladies who are old enough to be my grandmother in the taxi. they can’t speak english. wow, a silent ride all the way to sitiawan. this would test me.

i managed to stay un-hyperactive throughout the whole journey. when i came out of the taxi and paid him, i cursed him. dah la fetched me 2 and a half freaking hours later than he was supposed to, he actually had the nerve to stop and makan wa tan hor at a coffeeshop. to make things worse, he never exceeded 80km/h throughout the whole journey. i had to stay patient and hypoactive for 5 FREAKING HOURS! he was the first taxi driver that i didn’t thank. thank god he drove a comfortable Mercedes.


pati.jpgpity pati. bored until she slept

reached sitiawan only for ian to tell me there’s an outing. he even asked Ivy out!! so i called her to confirm. as expected, she could not make it. sigh. i was disappointed. 0/2 in asking her out. never mind,said ian. fetch me he will. so i played my PS2 while waiting. guess what, my controller which was bought in december was broken. i freaked out at my sister until she cried. all these while i paid for every single thing from parts to maintenence and she can’t even take care of it. i was pissed. then my instinct told me, “every time you were fetched by ian, something bad will happen.” . i was bracing myself for the worst until i saw ping sin!

“ok..this shouldn’t be bad” i thought to myself. i was right, it wasn’t bad at all. it was downright HORRIBLE!! arguably the most charismatic and the gentleman of all gentlemen in sitiawan (and slowly spreading his charm in college too), i was silent throughout the whole ordeal. i froze/choked/paralysed. i can always talk to girls that i like but somehow that is not to be that come someone who always delivers fell short on that fateful night? my reputation of being able to talk with any girl (except melissa the big fat b*itch…i choose not to talk to her…not melissa khoo..don’t be mistaken) seemed like a BIG FAT LIE! sachin in silent mode. that’s what alan described it. my unflappable confidence left me. i felt like james bond’s martini; shaken. the plan i have of “introducing” myself to the girls from the other class was shelved. i am a disgrace to myself.

headline.jpg guess i’m in the ‘not’ category after the poor showing

after the humiliating experience, comes the showdown with mum.

mum: what the hell were you thinking? didn’t you know about the time? you have a course tomorrow.where you got the cake from?

me: got it from ping sin.

mum: who? zhong yee’s sister? how come you know her?

me (wants to end showdown as quickly as possible) : you don’t know your son is a playboy? i even have girls waiting for me from as far as ayer tawar. (avoiding the complete breakdown on how i know pingsin and endless questions that follow. she once asked me and i spent 1 hour explaining to her. i don’t want to do the same again. she clearly forgot who pingsin was)

mum: hey!! she’s someone daughter. you will get beaten if you kacau her…bla bla bla till i slept at 1am.

someday when a girl comes up and says i’m her unborn child’s father, i’ll be married to her by then. that was what i wanted to say to my mum but if that happened, i won’t be able to sleep as the showdown will definitely last the whole night. guess what? my mum apprehended me on my hair, AGAIN. and again we fought over my hair. they don’t have prefects in college so i want to keep my hair long. thank god justin came early and fetched me over to yihan’s place. due to unforseen circumstances, justin and i missed breakfast. walau, we cannot jalan if we don’t have food. thank you very much yihan. you and my mum had just spoiled my morning.

we went out at night with yuki. 0/3 for asking ivy out. sigh, disappointed again. then yvonne asked me ,”OMG… sound like a pervert la…” she gave me a warning to stay away as far as possible (albeit the chance of winning the lottery is bigger) from becoming her brother-in-law. i also know i don’t have a chance la. better listen to yvonne. in another three months she can shoot me with ease (thanks to NS) with a M16. yvonne, when you’re there, put lots and lots of sunscreen to minimise your “tanning” session a.k.a under the scorching sun. also, stay away from perverts as they might harm you. come home safely.

then, my phone rang. “where the hell are you?”. that’s my cue to go home. i waved goodbye. “why so early?” winnie asked. it’s not that nice to say that my mum freaked out. my ego is bruised way enough. “because your sister is not here…that’s why i wanna go home…” . “winnie, don’t talk to him..he became a pervert since he went to KL.” BANG!!! she shot me straight at my heart. you have hurt me, yvonne. when i reached home, another showdown occured with my mum. crap!!!

i’m twisted cause one side of me is telling me that i need to move on;

on the other side i wanna break down and cry…ooohhh

i’m twisted cause one side of me is telling me that i need to move on;

on the other side i wanna break down and cry…

this got to stop. move on, sissy!! i’m not going to let this stop me from enjoying the course. after a hearty breakfast at home curry house, i’m set to take on the day. slowly but surely my bruised ego and confidence is starting to recover from the heavy beating it suffered during the past 7 days. guess what happened when i met arronan? “ u won 5-1..arsenal draw! what happened?!!” .BANG!! what the heck. give me a break.

i had some fun at the course. mainly because of my friends. we joked a lot. thank you Tn Amir. your lectures were the best. teletubbies, power rangers and transformers have a new meaning now.


hehe. girls kill for hot guys in uniform especially the three guys above.

luckily i don’t have a girlfriend that says she wants to have a break from me. that will probably be the last straw. you will see me in a black plastic bag the next day if it happened this week. a shout out to daryl and chee. i’m blessed that you are in australia now. my incident with pingsin would be of great pleasure for your G9 and chee will haunt me on arsenal’s recent poor form. chia ching, i know you are not planning to take king scout this year. if you do change your mind, it’s on the 27th of march. would the showdown with mum about my internet usage stop, please!!!

losing a treasure

i’m not feeling well, physically and mentally. during class break yesterday, i played basketball with azlan at our court here. the court was nice but not ventilated. sweated like a pig and entered class. as i was too tired, i didn’t pay attention in class. luckily it was biology and she was talking about transport of molecules across a cell surface membrane(plasma membrane). it rains here every day and my uncle fetches me with his mtorcycle. basically i’m riding pillion in the rain most of the time.

it finally caught up to me. i was feeling unwell and dead tired. then i realised minutes later that the worse is coming. i realised that i’m going to lose my second most valuable treasure (the first is being my family). i was devastated. although i just found it recently, i value it very much.

i’m not sure whether i could find something like that again. it was really special. maybe i’ll find it again someday but will it remain in the same condition? i really don’t know. you can only find this valuable treasure once in a blue moon. this really sucks. the thought is spinning around in my head until i had no mood to watch tv or read the newspaper yesterday. the gut-wrenching feeling is worse than the feeling of failing to get straight A’s in my UPSR and what i felt during the death of my maternal grandparents put together.

i went to 7-eleven this morning and got myself Oreos and yogurt, the two of the best things in life. somehow, the yogurt was not refreshing and the Oreos taste like biscuits for diabetics (they suck…no sugar…jacob’s hi-fibre-low-salt biscuits were better). the coffee i’m having now which i asked the operator to bancuh sangat ‘kao-kao’ had no kick. it tasted like milo without sugar.


i had no choice but  to believe that God has better plans. i hope that i won’t lose this treasure forever and someday in the nearest future,we’ll meet again. until then,i’m gonna keep myself busy here and continue to dunk my oreos in yogurt until my treasure returns.