Archive for the ‘women’ Category

the boy who is able to celebrate a huge festivity due to one half of his cultural upbringing

to those who bugged me about not updating my blog,i said i was returning after chinese new year!!if you are smart enough,you would know that there are 15 days before chinese new year officially ends.technically,i’m only 3 days late.

anyway,i celeberated chinese new year in sitiawan this year.i did not get the expensive tickets back to my mum’s hometown which is located at East Malaysia and accessible only by aircrafts (although a ferry would do but it is NOT a sensible choice).here are the things i did during chinese new year

chinese new year eve

i had reunion dinner at home.haha.its very weird when my family actually sat down at the dining area and eat.usually,i’ll eat and finish first followed by other family members.i guess that’s what reunion dinners are for.later,i went over to chianwoon’s house at 10pm.i fetched arronan with me.at about 10.30pm,ang proposed a notion to meet with azizi TNB.haha.i haven’t seen him in a year so i decided to pay him a visit.but as we made our move,yvonne scolded us in chinese.i couldn’t get what she was saying but i certainly can feel her displeasure from the tone of her voice.anyway,spent a good 20 minutes at his house before sending arronan home.reached home around 11.15pm.yes,i went home early to hit the sack so that i could have sufficient energy for the ipoh trip my mum suggested the next day.however…….

first day of chinese new year

…THE TRIP WAS CANCELLED!!!!!wah.i was so pissed when i found out the next morning.i was really really really REALLY looking forward to the ipoh trip.it was so unfair.i went home early,i slept early,i woke up early but i didn’t get to go to ipoh.mum knew about my displeasure (i think it was etched on my face) so she made up for it by bringing me to fullpann for dinner.hahaha.i prefer capri though but hey,beggars can’t be choosers.there i met joanne ho,my tadika girlfriend (sort of…hehehe) and her family of course.haha.she was my best friend in tadika.even my dad remembers her name!!haha.when my dad remembers one of my friends,he/she must have made quite an impression.so far,he could only remember ang,justin,arronan,ramanan,glenn,chiaching,yihan and erm,the list ends there.haha.sadly,joanne and i grew further apart (guess its my fault).anyway,my mum’s treat of redemption doesn’t end there….

second day of chinese new year

i started off the sunny,beautiful day with……

magicsandals1

 A NEW PAIR OF SANDALS!!!woot.haha.yeah yeah yeah.an amazing pair of footwear that was bought when the day was still young.i forgot what was the model of the sandals though.it was something like weatherwalker 4 or something.haha.who cares.i’ll just rename it as magic sandals 3 in line with my other magical footwear.my first pair of sandals lasted me a good 2 years before succumbing to the harsh wear and tear inflicted by my big feet.my second pair which costs rm10 more outdid itself by lasting 3 years!even the longest serving magic shoes i have is in its third year (its because i barely wear them).since my new sandals cost me more than double the price of the previous pair,i hope it will last more than double the time,which is more than 6years.

magicsandals2

isn’t it a beauty???turns out that daryl and supposedly kennyhar has the exact same pair!!great minds think alike!

with a brand new pair of sandals,i made my way to jiayo’s house.it was surprising that her dad knew me.that’s because i’m sure that i have never met him prior to her daughter’s invitation to the organised gathering.he even served me tea.j-cyn wore a skirt that day.really surprising.when i asked whether the skirt was her mum’s,she gave me her stern (albeit not that intimidating) look and said “ITS MINE!!!”.haha.sorry???

anyway,after a quick lunch,we went to hanshin’s house.yeah.i had a mini crush on her but that was a long time ago.hohoho.it was so cosy that you can practically sleep there.the weather was sleep-inducing too.it was raining heavily.i notice daryl dozing off for a few minutes.that was before……BLACK JACK!!!

daryl

hehe.daryl looking to win big.he was at first.hoesiang was the unfortunate one to be the banker.he was giving out money like an ATM

winbig

haha.chiaching getting all hyped up.i got a small gain from gambling there.with a rm3,i made a profit of rm5.woot.but the biggest winner of was hoesiang.he made a profit of rm150++.the reason for his big win?aunties who bet big!

hanshinhse

haha.valentine’s day is this saturday alan!!!go for it!!!

then we went over to yuanwen’s house.she has a nice backyard.

yuanwenhse

we continued blackjack.i quit when i lost the rm5 that i have won.hehe.gambling was so stressful.

osim

that’s why its best to have your own OSIM human masseuse!haha.she has great hands you know.its sad how she could not massage me harder.

later that night,i went over to chooiping’s house.it turns out we were gonna celebrate her birthday that night.had cake and played with firecrackers.

rocket

gosh.i’m fatter.need to shed the fats A.S.A.P.hahaha,we didn’t get to set off the rocket because chooiping’s dad said it was dangerous.hahaha.we had fun especially yuanwen.she never played firecrackers before.hahaha.somehow hanshin looks very attractive when playing with firecrackers.hmmmmm

third night of chinese new year

we went over to weijian’s house.

weijianhse

weijian is a very generous man.he gave me rm5 after 4 rounds of gambling.woot.i stopped after winning rm5.i don’t gamble much.hehehe.anyway,i decided to play “slap dai dee” with chiaching,daryl and yvonne.its “cho dai dee” with a twist really.the winner gets to slap the loser.2 cards=1 slap.”dai dee” was never my forte.as a result,i got 3 slaps from chiaching,1 tender-loving pat on the cheek by yvonne,and 7 heavy ones from daryl.total slaps received=14! total slaps given=4.haha.not bad.i won and got the chance to slap daryl. “slap him hard…don’t give face…you’ll regret!!” chiaching told me that it would be a mistake for not slapping daryl full force.i was overcome with guilt when i slapped daryl.when he slapped me,i know why i shouldn’t have held back.7 heavy,monstrous blows.they were like punches.serious.his hands were big.chiaching’s slaps were not as painful as daryl’s,but they lingered on for a very long time.guess it’s because of his long,thin fingers.i wondered how my slaps feel.hmmm.anyway,we covered our ears when we received the slaps.it’s to ensure that we don’t damage our eardrums and go deaf.think twice before slapping someone.

the night was still young as we entered the……

fourth day of chinese new year

i followed chiaching’s car to mcd.it was the most hillarious car ride i’ve sat on.its amazing how alcohol really affects the brain.alan was saying stuff that only a drunk alan can cay.its too explicit to be written down here.if you wanna know what he said,just get him drunk and most probably you’ll get the same thing i got.

chicken prosperity burger was not bad,but not good either,rm16++ for a combo is really expensive but when i got twister fries,i ain’t complaining.hahaha.next,we went to titi panjang to play snooker.well,they played snooker.alan,chiaching and i went to sing karaoke.rm1.50 for a song.it was not a bad price.after paying for 7 songs,we went into the room only to be joined by ian,ang and eventually the rest of the gang minutes into our first song, mambo no 5.i now know why people sing karaoke.it was a stress reliever.we had so much fun singing songs like YMCA,mamma mia,you give love a bad name,country road among others.then we paid for more songs.we even sang songs from weijian’s favourite band,the backsidestreet boys.hahaha,truth to be told,every boy dreamt about being a backstreet boy when they were younger.that is until they reach their teens where their taste evolved into something more like coldplay,foo fighters,kanye west,alicia keys,john legend just to name a few.it was fun being a backstreet boy!!!anyway,i just let my friends know that i’m a terrible singer.frankly,i knew this day would come and i don’t care!!!

the day (night actually) was not over yet.i reached home at 3-ish.slept and woke up at 3.40-ish to gastric attack.wtf.damn painful.i couldn’t sleep and i finally gave in to the pain,seeking help from mum to send me to a 24 hour clinic.i was charged rm 65 for a bottle of milk of magnesia (rm2 at megan kong’s mum’s pharmacy),9 orange tablets (rm2 for 12 tablets at a local pharmacy),5 white tablets (price unknown) and a jab at my right cheek (waist down).the jab was more painful that a shot in the arm.time i slept=7am.

then i woke up at 11am.took my bath and breakfast and went for an avatar-and-dexter-receiving,ego-boosting trip over to yuanwen’s.we talked for a short while before i’m off to home.i then hit the sack again.

woke up in time to go to yuki’s place for CNY gathering.she was having a barbeque.i only had fried meehoon because i’m supposed to avoid oily and spicy food.we then played electric current.yvonne tried to get the boys to play “slap dai dee” but no one was willing.she was trying to convince people to play.i’m not sure but it seems like she likes to see men in pain.S&M fan maybe???ouch.haha.then i found out that another person knew who stole the cookie from the cookie jar.since she knows,i’m assuming that her friend knows as well.total number of people who knows who stole the cookie from the cookie jar=6-ish (it could be 7 depending whether the 7th one is sure or not).too many people know who stole the cookies.guess i have to erase them one by one starting with a certain yellow bear who wears a tight red shirt.just kidding.frankly,it does not really matter if everyone knows who stole the cookie from the cookie jar.on that note,it is still inappropriate for those who know to spread the news.if word leaks out,i’m coming for your head yellow bear!

chinese new year celebration in KL

haha.i only went to two houses to celebrate.

shehulkcard

jueanne’s birthday was on the 2nd of february.her mum invited us for her surprise party.i made her a birthday card.as you can see,my artwork is atrocious.haha.we played cards and had a slice of suchan cake.the cake was fantastic.a few days later went over to yiwen’s house.haha.more gambling ensued and i lost rm15!!!that was my modal.lost it completely.haha.on a plus point,a girl taught me how to view upskirts.i’m so not kidding you!!!!

hahahaha.CNY to me,is just another event to bring friends and family together.many youngsters today care about the drinking,the gambling,the girls in sexy clothes and not to forget the red packets.they have lost sight on what’s really important about CNY.culture.tradition.family.fellowship.bonding.fun.

most chinese (and indians) drink during CNY.get a designated driver.please…..

dundrinkndrive

don’t drink and drive!

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the boy who underwent self-inflicted mental torture (again) and steps he took to dampen the effect

my mum trapped me at home every night.i have a curfew.sigh.my holidays are not going as well as i have planned.i only met some of my friends after a WEEK back in sitiawan.argh!stupid final exams in january!damn you!holidays lost its holiness when you spent majority of it studying

anyway,here’s what i did to relieve stress

i went bowling

bowling

haha.weijian,junbiao,jacob,tizebin and i went for bowling at our local bowling alley.it’s funny how they woke up early just to play bowling.however,it made lots of sense.early birds get rm2.50 a game.i went once and finished 2nd twice in 5 games.not bad eh!

i went for snooker

i went for snooker at SRC (Sitiawan Recreational Club).i didn’t know sitiawan actually has such a cool place.wow.after 17 years of living in sitiawan,i had never stepped in there before.when i did step in,it was for badminton and snooker.we actually have to get the balls from the bar.what do you know?you have to wear long pants and covered shoes to enter.haha.we are all in shorts and flip-flops (well,i was the only one with flip-flops…the rest were with slippers) so when we entered the bar,some old farts were making a ruckus.

old man1:wei….look at them…they are wearing slippers…cannot cannot!!!

oldman2:yeah yeah…they wearing shorts…what is this???

oldman3:don’t worry, they are here for the balls…they are playing snooker upstairs.

yeah old farts!we are going upstairs.why are you feeling violated?you’ve already violated it with the cigarettes and alcohol.just shut up and drink as well as smoke your way to a shorter life.

weijian

weijian in action.i suck at this game.i was practically ‘santa claus’.i was giving away points because of the many fouls i’ve made

score1

the score since the beginning and throughout the  first game…..

score21

the score at the end of the first game.ehehehe.not bad.anyway,i had a healthy lead of 16 during the second game (no kidding) but ended up with 0 at the end.i’m no good at this.

celebrated the winter solstice fesitval

tangyuan1

mmmmm.tangyuan in the making.haha.these dough will be rolled into balls and fed to me!!ahahahah.me!!! (i’m a greedy pig).

mumandaunty

it was supposed to be a family affair but my mum chased me out of the kitchen.the other lady is my neighbour/hairstylist.she asked me to show me my girlfriend’s picture.i told her i never had one.gosh.people think that when you study in KL you should get a girlfriend.it’s not easy when you’re vertically challenged ok!

anyway,legend has it that if you collect 7 balls,the sky will go dark and a magical dragon will appear before you and grant you 3 wishes.once granted,the 7 balls will be scattered across the world.what do you know?i have the 7 balls!!!

dragonball

the sky did turned dark alright,only for it to rain.no dragon.no wish granted.sigh.if i had three wishes they would be:

1. grow taller till my height reaches at least 180cm

2.have enough money for my education

3.for it to snow in malaysia during my birthday.ahahahahah

sadly;instead of getting three wishes granted,i became a mythbuster.sigh.

let a girl do whatever she wants with my hair using hair wax and temporary hair dyes

hair1

well,it was amazing that my hair could be transformed into something like this since it was short.good job shuwai.haha.why on earth did i sit at a table where i was the only guy at aoife’s birthday party?so i had to be kambing korban.at first when shuwai applied wax on my head it was kinda relaxing.from that point onwards i was wishing that she could apply wax/shampoo on my hair daily.that is until she pulled my hair to give it a spiky look.it was so painful.credit should be given to her though.my hair looks good at the back but not at the front (to me la….i felt i looked like hoe siang…no offense shuwai!!!).

spike

hehe.like i said,my hair was short and thin.after the spikes are made,you can clearly see my scalp.

hair2

my hair was like a KH project,sprayed in different colours.

ate roti canai milo

roticanaimilo

ahahaha.roti canai milo was interesting.i knew the existence from guangshi.she had it in klang.i never heard about it in sitiawan so i decided to give it a shot.haha.the result:sweet and must be eaten when its hot.or else it’ll  get stuck between your teeth.

got a present for christmas

present

haha.i got a present for christmas.it means that i’m a good boy.naughty children don’t get presents.just ask jueanne or ang.even jacob didn’t get one.hahahahha.

hahaha.by the way,i discovered that i get panic attacks easily.like when my dad didn’t reach home even when its past midnight (he usually reaches latest by 11pm),i panicked and imagined him being involved in an accident or worse.the problem of having an active imagination is that you can’t really control the thoughts in your head when a situation is given to you.so i need to be distracted from those horrid thoughts or being reassured and comforted.thank you shehulk!this means that my girlfriend must stay calm and reassure/comfort/distract me when i’m having a panic attack.i’m very good at scaring myself.hahaha.so,that requirement goes down with other BASIC qualities in the list to become a potential girlfriend of mine

  1. long hair (at least shoulder length)
  2. nice eyes
  3. witty
  4. talks in english most of the time
  5. can engage in intelligent conversation (i don’t want to talk crap most of the time)
  6. mature (so that it’ll rub off on me)

haha.any potential suitors?ehehehehe

the boy who has found a way to look taller although in real life he is vertically challenged (SHORT!!!)

the SALSA of my college had organised “starry night” which is an annual dinner for students like me.for those not in the know,SALSA in this case,is not a type of latin dance,but is an abbreviation for School of A-Levels’ Students Association.really?hahaha.i have no idea on what SALSA means either although i got the first three letters of SALSA right.eheheeheh.

anyway,at first,not many were willing to go except a notable student and jueanne.hahaha.the rest did not want to go.why aren’t they interested?its once in a course (for january intake….april and june get to go twice!) affair.hahaha.for starters,it fell on a thursday night,which effectively killed any hopes for an afterparty (in my case…some actually went for an afterparty).second (again in my case),not glamorous enough.ahahaha.it is a semi-formal affair so i was not expecting the girls to dress up nicely.i was soon to be proven wrong.

how did we all go?well,it was due to the assistant head of the department,Ms Nalina.she somehow influenced us to go,with a story about us being ugly ducklings who turned into swans (dressed up nicely,looking pretty and handsome) and how the single guys  (we are all single except for 3 people…another guy and i were the only ones who never had a girlfriend before) could actually get potential girlfriends.ahahaha.in my opinion,we bought the ticketrs just to support a friend of mine,choonhou because he was one of two people who were given the responsibility to sell the tickets (i’m unsure about the other guy’s sales…i guess its poor).

grpchem

i didn’t censor his face because i hate him or have something against him.i did it because his eyes were closed.

grpchem2

see,i was not lying.ehehehehehe

anyway,its a well known fact that i’m vertically challenged.in fact,i’m the second most shortest guy in my class.yup,the guys in my class are tall.however,if our build is converted into height,then i would be the third or fourth tallest.that’s because there are only 2 or 3 guys who are bigger than me (in terms of build).anyway,there are only two girls in my class who are taller than me (jueanne and guangshi) by a few cm.the rest are either as tall,or shorter than me.but glamorous functions are where guys like me are at a disadvantage.the footwear of choice for girls are high heels,wedges or shoes which elevate them a few cm taller.dahla i was botak,i cannot style my hair (if it can be styled…lots and lots of hairspray is needed) to make myself look taller.sigh.what are we,hobbits (short guys) going to do with public enemy no 1 a.k.a formal functions.fortunately,the genius (me!!!!) has found a way to look taller in photographs without wearing elevated shoes (they are expensive and endorsed by tom cruise).YOU CAN………

stand up whereas the taller girls sit down

family1

sitting from left: husband no 1,wife/mom,husband no 3.

standing from left:adopted son from siam,daughter of wife and husband no 1

ahahahaha.see.now there’s no tall girl to compare me with.smart eh!!!

sit down while the girls stand

grp2

clockwise from top left:guangshi,maygin,samantha,tania,me and charissa

the taller girls,guangshi (natural+heels) and samantha (heels) are standing whereas i’m sitting.although it’s kinda rude,the photograph in no way shows that i’m shorter than the above mentioned girls.

take a step forward before the photographer takes the picture

grp1

from left:leemei,syecheen,jueanne,me,yeemun and yiwen

by taking a step forward,you’ll look tall in the photograph.in my case,it’s proven as i appear taller than jueanne (natural+heels).

take a shot with a girl who automatically bends her knees and tilts her head slightly  in every one-on-one photo

jueanne

haha.no explanation here.

stand close to the camera so that the photograph shows you from the knees up,then extend yourself by tiptoe-ing (is there such a word???!!!)

mishi

i tiptoe-d because guangshi is taller than me despite her tilting her head slightly (why must girls wear heels???).note,apply this technique if  and only if the girl will look much taller than you in the photigraph.try to do it without her noticing (i almost succeeded if it wasn’t for someone to point out my ‘elevation’…babi that fella…ahahaha).luckily she laughed when she found out.if i didn’t use this technique then she’ll look like snow white while i’ll look like her chindian dwarf!!!

take a photo with a girl who is shorter than you

tania1

don’t worry my fellow hobbits,there will be shorter girls than you (turns out i’m not that short…ahahaha)

botakpendek

ceh.what is so funny?short people can be prom king ok!!!in fact,short people can do many things.in Lord of the Rings,it was Frodo and Sam,both of them hobbits,both of them SHORT,were the ones chosen to destroy the ring (well,it was Frodo only,Sam follow him just to kepoh...ahahaha…nola…without sam it is certain that frodo will fall to the ring);not aragorn,not gandalf,not legolas,not the taller people!!!!see!!!short people rule!!!!

anyway,i was not prom king,he is

promking2

yong choon hou.ahahaha.with him is paulynn.he was indeed the better looking and most charismatic of the four nominees but i suspect he won due to some “inside job” by a certain chemistry lecturer.bwahahahahaha.despite not being porn,woops,prom king,i did got a title by my classmates:bouncer!!!they say i look like club punya jaga because i look buff in my tight shirt.it’s not tight,it’s well fitting.oh ya,some girls say i have the nicest biggest butt.and again,it’s due to my well-fitting slacks.

discussions

ahahahhaahaha.rest assured they were not discussing about my butt at this time.

so,to all my fellow short brothers/hobbits (especially ian and kalai…ehehehehe),i’ve shown you the way to be taller (at least in photographs).use them wisely you must.

tania2

ahahaha.i am a genius.again to my fellow hobbits/brothers: MAY THE HEIGHT,*woops,i mean,FORCE BE WITH YOU!!!!!

the boy who returned to college and realised that women should be called the ‘fairer sex’ instead of the ‘weaker sex’ all thanks to a random conversation he had with his college mates

after a week back in sitiawan,the fact about returning to college does not appeal to me.

haha.she’s right.college is better than matriculation.

i had a conversation with my friends that day.we were thinking about which of our classmates would make a good couple.“wei,i have one…curlycurly and doraemon…one garang and the other playful…good combo!!!” “yeah..i think miss elegant and treadmill man also can” “haha…the gentleman and brownie!!!hahahah…hmmm…sportysporty and chlorox boy” “cannot…tak mungkin…bu ke neng!!!” “please la…if not with him then with you is it???go on and dream about your greek goddess la”.“cheh…fine…what about me???” “you a???wait??let me think….ah…you and minnie mouse!!!!” “ahahaha…why?i mean she’s cute…but she’s too quiet for me…why did you choose her?”

later i found out that they chose her because of her size.she is quite small.wait,scratch that.they chose her because of MY SIZE!!! i’m too short. “girls want to feel safe when they’re with their partner…they must be bigger size!!!” said ju-on. am i that small??? “nola…you’re short only” claimed shehulk. but still,their claim that my girlfriend must be smaller than me to feel safe is quite disparaging.it means that i can only date girls who are smaller than yvonne so that they can feel safe.sigh.haha

however,i’m not really small.it turns out that most of the boys are just tall.if all of us are of the same height,there are only 4 people bigger than me.but i have do the biggest (and smoothest)  pair of hands and feet.muahahaha.

anyway,back to my conversation  with ju-on,shehulk with others.brownie and flower girl thinks that men who do housework are good companions. ” no no no!!!cannot!!!men should not step into the kitchen!!!!they can never do the housework!!!!” lawyer shouted out.

“huh?why?my mum made me do the chores since i was young.my sis never helped out much” “yes,men should help out.you’ll make a good husband,sachin” “cannot la…guys cannot do housework when they are married” “and why is that?i think that we (guys) have to help out in our share…besides,we might be better cleaners than our partners” “woi…we are trained by our mums ok!!!you are a bad person la,lawyer!!why can’t men help out?”

“because we men work and find money for the family.we should not be bothered by housework!!!”

what if the men is unable to work and the wife is the sole breadwinner?

“hmmm…then its fine la…we men do housework and our wives go work”

what if both of you are working?

“wahlau…you stupid or what???of course la the girl must do!!!!”

ahahaha.lawyer is a chauvinist!but he did blurted out some fine comments to defend his stand on men doing chores.yes.female readers out there would be disgusted.why do we have to do everything?we cook,clean,take care of the kids and satisfy him in bed and yet all he does is sit in front of the tv!relax,not all men are like that.some men do help out in the house.they just need a little,erm,persuasion.if you want me to do chores,it’s very easy.a tub of yogurt,complimentary oreos and a massage (either a normal one or the one that can lead to….*ehem* bedroom circus).McFlurry oreos mudpie and strawberries are very good.try it.rm5.50 without tax!

“sachin,why are you like that???if a girl scratch your car,you wouldn’t be angry to her.if a girl wanna masuk ktm,you give way.why???” “erm,because guys should be gentlemen?” “cheh,what happened when you become gentleman?kena harassed by gay”

shit.he’s right.maybe i should sit down and let lawyer attack the girls.haha.

one thing i don’t get is why everything that goes wrong is our fault.if we’re at wrong then its ok but what if the girl’s in the wrong?its still our fault!!! how come they spend our money but we can’t touch theirs?? they strongly believe in “your money,my money;my money is MINE!!” motto.so it’s ok for them to drain our pockets but we can’t go sniffing around their purses.hmph.why do we have to make the first move padahal they are the ones giving lots and lots of signals saying that they want us?why do we have to wine and dine them when a simple dinner at home will do?why can they spend lots of money on shoes but we can’t spend ours on yogurt and oreos.why can they look at other guys and say they’re hot but we can’t even look at other girls!WHY WHY WHY???!!!!

“sebab mereka tu insan yang lemah”.ya right,mr nava.take your idealogy and……………(fill in the blank yourself).we men got to think about getting the right job to get good money to support our family.we’ve got to think about the house that our family has got to live in.we’ve got to think about protecting our families.girls just wait for the right guy and marry him.see,men are at a great disadvantage!!!

anyway,i still think women whould be empowered.no longer are they domestic maids,eye candy or sexual-fulfilment-devices.they are human beings and deserve equal treatment. God created everyone equal.although he blessed men with strength,it doesn’t mean that we should use it to push women around.”behind every successful man,is a woman”. bet you’ve never heard “behind evey successful woman is a man” right?ahahaha.

women should not be called the “weaker sex” anymore.it should be the “fairer sex”.